It's Raining Outside

Thicker Than Water

Bloody as the time you dismissed my vulnerability.
Bloody as the time you said, "It's a sin".
Bloody as the time we separated our lives.
Bloody as the time I let you take over me.

I wrote you a letter.
I have no idea if you threw it away
like the gay YA novel I let my sibling borrow.
they still have the courage to say "blood is thicker than water",
maybe because you drained my blood
and gave it to them.

You still view my autism like a disease—
same as my sexuality,
yet you don't listen to me which is why
I will always love my adoptive mother.

It's sad that I'll never have a father's day
with you.

I always wanted to find a way to let you know
that I do love you,
but my loyalty lies elsewhere.
I wish I could easily place it upon you
without my soul
crumbling into early remains.

At least I know that God is still beside me,
since every day I'm surprised I haven't lost to depression, violence, or catastrophe.

My therapist told me I must make amends and so I did;
I just left the conclusion in your hands.
I still wonder if you read my letter
or if you drowned it with your booze.
I hope you cherish it regardless.

To be clear,
I gave up on hating you.
I would have invested my life being different than you,
but I know you said you used to write poetry.
I don't want to give up that too.
I am still using water to clear up the wounds,
but blood is thicker than water.
I will be trying to heal these blood-stained
lies I was believing my life;
That you loved all of me.

When we both pass into the sky,
I wish that in another life
You could come through
and I could be loyal to you.

Forecast: 18% Chance of Rain