It's Raining Outside

The Hermit Crab

If I were to belong
in a world,
what would it look like?
Energy could be abundant.
Diamonds as valuable as coal.

Loneliness could be a dream
or a loyal friend to the Antarctic;
or the moon, Mars–
even Pluto.

If I were to belong,
I could be mundane.
I could be significant.
My closest friends could be
a community; not God,
my cats or my therapist.

I would feel love not only
in my dreams,
streams or HD; but
in hanging out with friends downtown,
small parties and true connections.

I am wasted on depression.
I am wasted on loneliness.
I am wasted on family.
I am wasted on small moments.

I hiked to a lake the other day.
The grass was wet from a previous storm.
My pants and knees were dyed
with green streaks,
and all I did was sit, wishing.

I sat waiting.
I sat wondering
where my life would lead.

I pondered social media,
dating apps, even college
as pontential realities.
How could I go back?
How could I date like this?
How could I pretend at anything?

I am wasted on youth.
I am wasted on the past.
I am stuck on things I can
never get back.

I am following the stars
for no dreams I have left.

I followed the stars to create a path.

Forecast: 9% Chance of Rain