"Falling In Love" - Cigarettes After Sex

December 6th, 3 Months into Senior Year

TW: This Chapter discuss sensitive topics such as drug us and sucide.

Eren sat in his room quietly. He had a nightmare so he wasn't going back to sleep. He didn't want it bother anyone but he didn't want to be alone. Mikasa was with Sasha and Historia was with Ymir. He took a deep breath and called Armin.

"Hey?" Armins sleepy voice ran in his ears.

Eren was already feeling calmer. "Hey uh. Sorry I know it's late I just- I kind of had a nightmare and I don't think I can handle being alone."

Armin voice changed. "Okay Eren. I'm on my way." With that he hung up.

Eren didn't know if he could consider what he had as a nightmare. It was just memories. Memories from when he was at boarding school. The drugs. The sex. The chaos. But the main image that kept running through his mind was Historias face on that day. The way she looked so scared of everything.

He remembers her screaming and trying to get someone. He remembers bits and pieces but not everything his mind was really fuzzy. Honestly he didn't remember much of boarding school at all.

Armin quietly walked into his room careful not to slam the door. "hey." He said with a soft smile. He got onto the bed sitting next to Eren, rubbing his back. "Do you want to talk about?"

Eren did. He so badly wanted to spill his guts to Armin. "Uhm." He said. "Well it was about boarding school." He sucked in a shaky breath. "Something bad had happened to me last year and I was remembering it I guess. I remember my friends face." Eren said putting his face in his hands. "She looked so scared Armin." He was crying. "It was my fault."

"Eren whatever it was it wasn't your fault." Armin said.

Eren was starting to shake. "It was." Tears running down his face. "I knew my tolerance yet I still did it." Tolerance? "I didn't even want it to happen. I didn't want to die." Armin pulled Eren closer. "I knew it was a possibility but I still did." He was holding onto Armins arm. "Fuck. I took them without thinking."

The realization hit. "Eren." Armin said not letting go. "Did you overdose?" Erens entire body froze. He was tensed and he wouldn't look at Armin. Armin grabbed his face. "Eren I'm so sorry." Armin wouldn't let him go and Eren didn't complain.

After about an hour Eren finally calmed down. "Uhm." He said straightening his back. "So uh." He didn't know what to say. "that uh happened."

Armin nodded, watching his every move. "Does Mikasa know?" He asked.

"Um no." Eren said blankly. "I didn't want her to know." He added. "I really didn't want you knowing either."

Armin clicked his tongue. "Eren do you really think I would think less of you because you overdosed on drugs?" He asked sounding almost offended. "You've helped me when I needed it let me help you."

Eren rested his head on Armins shoulder. "God I hate being so weak." Armin just calmly played with his hair.

"Sometimes being weak is better." Armin said. Eren sat up and Armin grabbed his hand. "Can I uh ask about it?"

Eren sighed. "Um sure."

"You uh you said you didn't want to die. Is that just what it felt like or?" Armin asked.

Eren cleared his throat. "No well yea it did but uhm my friend thought I was trying to kill myself." He said he took a calm breath. "I really wasn't. I had a really bad week and I relapsed. I had been trying to get clean for about two months before it happened." Armin was listening very intensely. "The only things I remember are that H-MY FRIEND uh had like start screaming and stuff and God just her face."

Armin squeezed his hand. "God. I did drugs and stuff because it was the only thing that made me feel normal. It was never one thing. It was just everything." Eren smiled to himself. "My friend uh she really helped me. She like was there for me through it all. I know it was hard on her. She acts strong but it was hard on her. She helped me so much. The worst part is she isn't even older than me or anything." He shook away his sad feeling. "But hey. I know she's doing better now. Plus she's the reason I'm 8 months clean. I owe her my life."

Armin jerked up. "8 months?" He said excitedly.

"Yea uh actually on homecoming it was 8 months." Eren said thinking back. Armin smiled and pulled him into another hug.

Armin after what felt like hours finally let go. "God I'm so proud of you." Armin said. I'm proud of you. The words rang in his ears. "And I'm really happy you trust me enough to tell me this." God. Eren thought. Armin always knew just what to say to make Eren feel better.