Caraphernelia {Frerard}

c h a p t e r s i x t e e n

Caraphernelia

You've got some nerve thinking we could be friends, well what did you expect, a fucking compliment?

Neck Deep - what did you expect

f r a n k

Maybe it was a better idea for me to wheel right around and take a dramatic dive straight out of the door that I had entered about two minutes ago. Maybe it would've been an even better idea for me to stop staring so heavily and so obviously at my ex boyfriend, to be calm and subtle. Maybe I should've just sat down at the bar like a normal customer that didn't have any previous ties with the bartender and pretended I wasn't in love with the man by any means.

Maybe I should've ignored all of above and maybe I shouldn't even be here, tangled up in such a predicament that I never thought would arrive so soon.

It was a miracle that I didn't even notice any signs, physical or theatrical, along the way, even before the car journey had started. Maybe that was just me putting too much faith into Mikey, not knowing that the younger Way brother would probably go against me at some point, just to get me out of his hair for a few minutes and to distract me.

Once I had been given my three minute period of time to get over the initial shock that Gerard fucking Way, my ex boyfriend and, for now, the love of my life was standing there flirting with another. Mikey took it upon himself to recalibrate my functions, taking ahold of my shoulders and steering me to a table not too far from the bar.

Once he sat down across from me, I see his features properly, in the dimmed lights and the vibe that is given off when you're in a social place. Mikey looked different though he never had changed, nothing -- between getting out of his car, walking over and sitting down -- had been altered and he hadn't changed.

But Mikey saw I was scared. All he done was smile at me, reaching over the table and patted my hand, "you'll be okay," Mikey starts, his eyes drifting to his brother who had finally moved on from the man he had been flirting with to preparing a few drinks for a group of four stood at the bar.

It wasn't necessarily a good idea for me to be staring right at Gerard even if we weren't all that close. He always had suspicions when someone was staring at him, it seemed to eat him up when he couldn't find the culprit to the burning holes into his skin with their eyes. Although knowing he didn't like it, I couldn't help but sit back and admire him for all he was.

I wasn't certain whether his life had changed for the better, whether he had a well paid job and he was providing for himself or if he was doing worse than when he was stuck with me. Physically, I didn't particularly believe he was better off. Sure, we missed out on eating every so often because we had to skip to pay the bills, but now it seemed as if he was skipping every meal. Skeletal structure, seemed to be the best way of describing Gerard's new 'look.'

Gerard may not have been healthy, but he did look happy. Even with knowing that Mikey had spoken to him and told him that Gerard wasn't happy, he seemed to be as he got along with the strangers he served.

It began to make me a Hell of a lot more nervous than when I had even first stepped foot into the bar. Even more nervous than when I first spotted him. I didn't want to put him off of his streak of happiness. I didn't want to throw him off of his game and disrupt all that he had set up for himself. Of course I wanted to leave, to go home now, but Mikey wouldn't allow that, no matter what I would say to him. I didn't even have to try that out to know that he wouldn't free me.

I tear my eyes away from Gerard to look at his brother, knowing I looked desperate as I stared, "I really need to go outside for a few. I'll be back, I promise."