Caraphernelia {Frerard}

c h a p t e r t h r e e

Caraphernelia

One night and one more time, thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great

Fall Out Boy - Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

f r a n k

The morning after Gerard told me was awful. It was like we were back to square one in our whole relationship, before we had even gotten together. I had woken up before Gerard but I didn't get a chance to get out of the room before he woke up himself, saying an awkward good morning to me and rubbing his eyes as his way of avoiding what was to come.

"I'm gonna miss you." I had whispered, biting on my bottom lip and clutching onto the door frame for support, in fear of falling apart then and there, "I'll miss you, too, Frankie. We'll still talk though, right? And I'll come and see you every so often, nothing will change too much."

I had glared at how hopeful Gerard looked at me, as if he actually believed everything was going to be okay, "Are you fucking kidding me, Gee?" I snapped, turning back to him completely and putting my back against the wall to hold myself up, my legs still not willing to let me feel safe to stand by myself, "You think we can continue our relationship when you're gonna be gone for months on end?"

Gerard went to open his mouth then, trying to get a plausible plan out but closed his mouth because he knew I was right, "C'mon Gee, you said it yourself, you're gonna be working as much as you can, as little spare time as possible. If you work for that long, you wouldn't have time in between to be playing happy couple. Face it, Gee, we're practically over."

The man that was no longer mine bit on his bottom lip, forcing himself to keep the tears in whilst I'm around, as he always had done. Gerard was never one to show any sign of weakness in front of me, I always had respected his unspoken wishes but never really understood why he didn't trust me enough to comfort him when he was feeling vulnerable.

I would never voice these concerns whilst I was around Gerard, it felt wrong for me to invade such a personal area whilst he was happy, but I did ask Mikey about it and he never really gave me any straight answers about the matter, so I guess my only choice with it was to drop it and hope for a change in the routine one day, or at least for Gerard to speak up about it.

That's the problem with the Way brothers.

You never, ever got a straight answer on such a serious topic.

I had waited patiently for Gerard to stabilise himself properly before smiling a sad smile, one that Gerard returned to me, "I guess this is our final chapter for now, huh?" Gerard asked, offering up a somewhat bitter laugh, looking around the room to try to avert his teary eyes once more, "I always thought... I had always pictured us together until we died, y'know? All that sentimental crap and the cuddles, the kisses, the movies, the junk food- hell, even the sex!"

Gerard looked down at his lap, his death grip latched onto one of his ankles, his other hand knotted in the sheets, "All that shit, you and me, together, growing old and not giving a fuck, with our two cats, getting the dog you always wanted." Gerard snapped his head up so he was staring up at the slightly off-white ceiling, looking as if he didn't have enough energy to simply hold his head up anymore.

"All of my future, gone. God I'm an idiot." Gerard then let out a wordless yell, still staring at the ceiling, "Why the hell did I let all of that go? Why did I throw it back in your face?" It didn't feel like he was directing the questions to me, they were obviously rhetorical questions. They were left unanswered, and even if Gerard had ever wanted answers, he wouldn't have got any.

I simply did not know why he done this.

I walked back over to the bed, Gerard's eyes following me and honestly making him look slightly creepy as he slowly brought his head back up to its normal position. I sat down in front of him, watching him hopefully, "Does that mean you'll call off leaving me? You'll stay here, do all that sentimental crap, try get outta this dump and be happy? With me?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew it was stupid and I was acting like a fool if I thought Gerard would stay.