Caraphernelia {Frerard}

c h a p t e r t e n

Caraphernelia

Another tear, another cry, another place for us to die. It's not complicated.

Ed Sheeran - Autumn Leaves

f r a n k

"You alright, Frank?"

I groan slightly and open my eyes to stare back at Mikey standing in the doorway of the living room where I had slept on the couch because there were no spare rooms for me to sleep in and I wasn't prepared to stay in Mikey's bed with him his yet. I had also spent most of my night avoiding sleep and distracting myself from letting myself sleep. It was something I was desperate to avoid.

I didn't want to succumb to the darkness because that was too dangerous for me to fall into. Everything will arise once again, the memories, the hopes and the ambitions we both shared together. Everything will rise up like a huge wave and drown me with all the feelings I have towards Gerard. All the dreams I have at night if I did sleep would seem too real for them not to have happened and when I do wake up, I will wake up alone and feeling sorry for myself because I knew that they were all a figment of my imagination.

Mikey makes his way over so he was now standing in front of me instead of hiding away behind the door frame, in his oversized 'MIKEY FUCKIN WAY' t-shirt and black boxers, his bare legs pale and thin just like his arms, the odd bruise showing up and his awkwardness in the knees being more pronounced now that he wasn't wearing those black skinny jeans he always wore that were slightly worn away at the knees so the black was starting to fade into a grey-ish white colour, one of the knees starting to form a tear from the amount of time Mikey's worn them.

Mikey's hair was messy on his head, starting to become dirty due to him not washing it in a few days and also the fact that he runs his hands through his hair constantly but this time it was sleeping that made his hair stick up into weird directions and puff out in certain areas. Mikey himself looked tired and worn out, his shoulders slumped and dark circles forming under his eyes.

Mikey was definitely attractive at any given point of the day, even when he had just woken up, I will give him that much.

I smile and stare at him some more, appreciating his true beauty that I hadn't been able to recognise before because of being otherwise occupied with his older brother's beauty, "You're a really pretty human being, y'know that right, Mikes?" I say before beginning to shame myself for letting my mouth run like that. Gerard was what I want, Gerard was what I need. It was wrong and disgusting of me to try and get what I wanted and needed of Gerard through his younger brother all because the resemblance between the brothers was astounding.

Instead of getting offended in any way, Mikey smiles and dips his head so he can distract himself with playing with the hem of his shirt, one hand letting go of the fabric to push his glasses back up his nose and soon enough, that smile Mikey let form on his lips was disappearing as something dawned upon him, "Yeah, I am pretty, aren't I? I'm gonna have to find someone to tell me that, right? I'm gonna find myself a guy that will stick around to love me, he's gonna treat me right, treat me how I deserve to be treated. His gonna treat me like the special little Prince that I really am, right? Just, that day won't be today, will it Frank?"

I stare back up at Mikey, staring right at him and how sad he looked, how tired he looked and how defeated he looked. I wasn't the only one here that was depressed, Mikey was just as bad as me and my selfish attitude only now just let me see that. Mikey was comforting me and looking after me these past few days when his own mental and physical condition wasn't in the best shape, he wasn't in the mood to look after someone that was depressed when he was more than likely feeling the same way.