Curhatan Maba LGBT

Who knows being in a relationship can make you know yourself more

I learned a lot about myself that I COMPLETELY didn't know before after dating my current gf.

Like the fact I can be a total baby around someone?? It's crazy. You wouldn't guess how much of a baby I am when I'm with her. Or when I'm not with her. I sleep crying hugging a pillow because I'm missing her like MANY times. It's embarassingggg. I've never been like this to anyone like ever...

And- bruh. the fact I'm so needy with her??? If I can, I would need her be with me 24/7, 12 months a year. I NEED her attention. I'm never this needy to anyone. I'm always used to being on my own without any issue whatsoever. So it baffles me when all of a sudden I'm needy as heck towards this one particular human.

It was a complete character break for me to be like that, so I just can't help but lie down one night and be like "???? wtf why am I turning like this"

I was never an attention needer growing up. Not to my besties, not even to my parents. Heck, ever since I first live away from my parents in middle school, I can go for months not calling them and be okay with it. I'm just that unhinged type of a kid, never getting attached to anyone. But with her, even a half day of chats unreplied can make me sob. And I been sobbing a heck lot

(it's karma from always ignoring my mom's calls I think)

I also found issues I never realized was there, and slowly trying to learn how to prevent my issues from meddling with our relationship. From realizing the fact that my own low self-esteem can unintentionally hurt my partner, learning that I need to be more mindful about her boundaries, learning to be less egoistic & more understanding when she's busy, and learning to control my anxious overthinking and to have a trust in her despite what my negative brain is telling me.

I definitely am still lacking a lot, as a partner. I barely have a good life outside of my relationship with her too. And such an unbalanced life never do good in any relationship. I gotta be a whole person by myself. Yok bisa yok, mulai aktif lagi berinteraksi sama anak gegama. Sering telpon rumah. Pergi ke gym, dan coba hobi baru.

And... "I love you" isn't enough, isn't it? I want to prove them by actions. By attitude. By keeping my promises.

By being a healthy human being.

May 2022