Curhatan Maba LGBT

Comfort

Oftentimes, when I feel stressed my mind seek my gf for comfort like a little child. It kinda reminds me of children's behaviour, like how they''ll instinctively seek their parents for comfort. 

And it made me think. I seek emotional connection & support in her and not my parents. Idk it's a weird thing or not, being emotionally dependent on my partner instead of my mom or dad like that? Even though parents are SUPPOSEDLY should be emotionally closer to me than someone I only knew for 3-4 months... Right?

That reminds me of something about my family. I can laugh and spend enjoyable times with them, sure, but I can't stand showing negative emotions to them. I can't stand to be vulnerable with them. It's an environment where you can't cry and be weak because it will make you feel even more shitty. So you would naturally close yourself from them. A place where only happiness & being okay feels allowed, it's a little bit suffocating. 

Crying is an embarassing thing. Telling you're struggling will not end in affirmation, but rather to be asked 'why struggling?'. Sharing your true self means hurting others. Those are the things I learned from interacting with my family.

With my gf, it was different. Crying is okay. Telling you're struggling will be met by affirmation & comforting words. Sharing your vulnerability won't make her disappointed or disgusted. And sharing your true self will be accepted whole. Nobody is crying because of your identity, or because you struggle more than the average person and the other couldn't accept that.

I wish all family are like this, pretty sure the world would be filled with emotionally healthy, happy individuals. And for me, it matters more than wealth, achievement, status, or anything like that. 

But man, it's been a long time since I'm emotionally vulnerable to a person like this. To feel complete comfort & safety with her, to the point I instinctively seek that certain person when having emotional distress.

She's actually the first one... I never feel like this to anyone ever. I never told my trouble to anyone before this. I never feel comfortable crying in front of anyone, except her. She's just built different, she can understand my struggle... Or is it just me who never give any chance to anyone to show my vulnerable side?

I don't really know if it's a bad thing or not, me being attached to my gf like that. 

27th Jun 2022