ENCHANTED ⇒ jegulus

SEVENTEEN

James dreams of Regulus all night. He can not help but see the brunette in his dreams. The dreams aren't particularly innocent and that makes James feel bad as he lays on his back, staring at his ceiling, as the dim, early morning light seeps through the partrd curtains.

The dreams had consisted of Regulus and he, Regulus whispering his name, his actual first name, as apposed to 'Potter,'; James had held Regulus close to him, entwined in his strong arms, a bump between them.

James stares at his ceiling, investigating evertg crack, every single cobweb that litters it. He cheated on Lily. He's a cheater. He doesn't know if he can go on living that kind of a lie. Even if he and Lily don't make it, he will always have been the one to cheat, to demolish that trust he thinks they still have.

James shivers at this revelation. He slowly rises from his bed, hauling himself out of the duvets. James takes his time making his bed, arranging the pillows. He needs time to think, to let this all simmer. He had given his first blow job. He had cheated on his girlfriend.

James wonders what his mother would say if she could see the utter mess his life had become.

Before James trudges down the stairs, he glances at the spare room. The door is open and Regulus' bed is made neatly. James almost smiles at this; of course Regulus would know exactly how to tidy a bed. He runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it.

James suspects that Regulus will be in the living room, perhaps doing some morning painting. It isn't like Regulus to have risen awake so early. There had to be a reason. It is barely five in the morning, after all. James is an early riser; Regulus is not.

James descends the stairs, entering the kitchen. "Hey, good morning. It isn't like you to be up so early, is it-"

James stops mid sentence. His blood runs cold.

Regulus is curled on the floor, his eyes closed. James can't even hear his breathing. He is sprawled across the tiles, his hair brushed over his face messily. James feels the icy panic begin to set.

He can see how pale Regulus is. The way the late night moon glimmers against his ivory skin. Regulus is pale. He is snow white the majority of the time. But now? Now he is whiter than white, all color has drained entirely from his face and it causes James to shock himself into action.

"Regulus! Regulus? Hey, hey, c'mon," James utters as he reaches down to the floor, smoothing Regulus' inky hair back from his face. "Regulus? It's me. It's...it's James. I...you're going to be okay. Don't...don't you fucking do this, you little brat," He whispers.

James takes a staggering breath before hauling Regulus upwards, and finally through the floo.

Sometime in the dark hours before dawn, Sirius passe him a cup of weak tea from the cart in the main lobby of the ward. Remus had left earlier, hugging James tightly and saying that he had an early appointment with a client but he did promise to bring James some breakfast after.

Sirius stays.

Sirius watches James pace, sits with him, and leaves only to visit the toilet or bring more tea. He has talked Quidditch, relayed stories about Remus, or Andromeda and her little one, James has even heard some about a cat Sirius and Regulus had as children. James has never heard of this cat before and now he is beginning to wonder if Sirius is just blatantly lying in order to comfort him.

James highly doubts that Walburga Black would ever allow her sons to have pets.

James is silent throughout all of this. He can't bring himself to speak. The sight of Regulus crumpled on the cold kitchen tiles lingers within his mind, hauntingly. He swallows occasionally, sometimes humming in response, but he does not speak. His brown eyes stay trained on the shiny, sterile hospital floor.