Baler | 𝘓𝘶𝘸𝘰𝘰 (VVS #1)

38 - Vague

As the day passes, the huge gap that's forming between my heart and my mind fiercely grows. It's cringing to even think about it.

The longest summer came and it has long been gone. I thought it would be easier to forget when time passed but it's not getting any better.

Everything feel surreal until I received a message from my father. It melted all those walls that I built for almost a year.

"When are you planning to come back?" the message says.

Sinabi ko agad kay Kun iyon at aniya'y maayos naman daw at tahimik sa bansa. Wala nga lang siyang ideya kung bakit nagpadala ng mensahe ang Papa. Kahit paniguradong alam nila kung nasaan ako.

I do not plan on going back at all. I even got a job here. And remembering all my achievements in my own country keeps me awake at night. The way I thought of living a simple and independent life is still valid now. But escaping the world will always be vague to me. I was overanalyzing things for a whole year. Mid-June when it hits me. I was thinking... I cannot just be a prisoner of my nature. I should be living the life that has been longed for. Why am I still running when it's all fine now?

I thought I'd just escape and rest. Turns out that leaving can still destroy me at my lowest.

My shoulders got broader. I gained muscles and abs in a good way. But I maintained my still, slim body proportion. I feel like I also got taller but maybe it was because of my lean physique.

I spent the rest of the months surfing and exploring the beaches near the island. I worked as a part-time english tutor and various works as an assistant environmental consultant.

So I put a deep thought about this decision.

"Must've been tough. I'm sorry, Les..."

The pink blush suits her very well. Her long silky brown hair dances as she cries. Her nose scrunch as she sniffs. I smiled when my sister gave me a long, tight hug.

She stared at me with her sad eyes.

"Celeste, that's not your problem to deal with. I'll go home tomorrow to fix it. I'm just tired and... maybe I'll come back to Australia after..." I looked away.

I am telling her everything that happened last year. Well except for the fraternity thing. She's three years younger than me and I don't want her to be involved. She's too precious. Everyone thinks the same. The General always lets her do what she wants. She likes fashion. She's a photographer and an editor. I did not go to her birthday last year so I came here to visit. Despite the time gap, I'm still able to be close to her.

She was suggesting to talk to our father. I declined, of course. Ayoko na madamay pa siya dahil may sariling buhay naman siya dito sa ibang bansa.

Kumaway siya hanggang sa mawala na siya sa paningin ko. Mabilis lang na lumipas ang tatlong araw na pagbisita ko sa kaniya. Ngayon ay deretso na ako sa Pilipinas.

My head almost spin when I saw my friend waving at the airport.

"Welcome back!" Ngumisi si Kun.

I thought he was the last person who'll agree to me coming back.

"My back hurts." Reklamo ko.

I slept the whole flight. From overthinking.

Coming back, I don't know who to trust anymore. Maybe I'd lived on my own now, no doubt.

"It's cool." Ngumisi ako.

I bought a house and a lot. With the money, I earned in Australia and my separately saved money. Well, it's not that much so this is not fully paid.

"I think I'll work hard to pay some lifetime installment?" I chuckled.

"I told you to just stay in my house." He rolled his eyes.

Umiling lang ako dahil malabo iyon. Magt-trabaho ako para mabayaran na lang ang utang ko sa kaniya sa loob ng isang taon. Siguro nga sa Rynoa, kung sakali. Dahil malaki ang sahod doon. Pero dahil medyo malayo sa Manila, hindi ako sigurado. Maghahanap muna ako dito hanggang kaya ko na ulit pumunta sa Manila.

This house feels so huge to me. But it's a good investment. Lalo't nasa magandang lugar.

Humiga na ako sa kama pagtapos ng mahabang araw. Wala pang masyadong gamit kaya bukas, mamimili ako. Si Kun ay natutulog sa kabilang kwarto. At kanina napag-usapan namin na mag quick staycation before he leaves for another business travel.

I hugged the long pillow tightly.

Before thinking about anyone else, I thought about myself. It's careless to go back. But nothing's going to change even if I run away for a few more years. Why do I need my father's permission? Now that he didn't bother me when I'm away for a year. Does he trust me this time?

Nakatulugan ko na lang ang pag-iisip.

Kinaumagahan, agad agad ang plano ni Kun dahil sa isang invitation. Akala ko pa, bukas na kami aalis at hahayaan niya ako muna ako magpahinga. Sagot niya naman daw lahat at paniguradong marerelax naman daw ako.

He didn't even bought a lot of things. Napapailing na lang ako dahil parang wala siyang mapaggastusan ng pera niya. He's working though. And this is how he ease his boredom.

The house that I acquire's located in San Antonio, Zambales. Just near Pandaquit beach. And we're just going to stay a bit in Cabo de Rica Villa for his business dealings. While looking a lot here, he met a lot of people and it even took his interest to live here too. Siguro hindi pa ngayon pero baka raw dito rin siya tumira. That's why he's been busy here and stayed at my house.

The quick drive is not tiring at all. Because of this view, I feel like starting a new life again is my best decision this year.