crave

seventeen | the beginning of loving someone

ATHENA

Love is a stupid, scary, annoying feeling.

And I've never felt that feeling to anyone but my mother, sister, and best friend.

I've never loved someone romantically.

So when my heart started doing this weird thing as I woke up in Reid's arms, two weeks after the worst possible dream ever, it scared the hell out of me.

I couldn't move. All I did was lay still, in his arms, listening to his heartbeat.

The two weeks after the worst possible dream, Reid has been trying to prove to me he isn't like my father or Jeremy. Not his words, mine.

He's began booking photo shoots for me after getting the photos from the honeymoon.

He couldn't stop staring at them. Specifically me.

I think he likes the ones where I was alone.

I personally like the one where we are together. But Reid has good taste.

I took a total of six photo shoots in the past two weeks.

I don't really mind. It's not like I have anything better to do.

With Reid's busy schedule, it surprises me how he found all the time to spend with me.

I've went with him back to headquarters a couple times but we left shortly after arriving.

He holds my hand whenever he gets the feeling that I feel nervous.

He doesn't leave my side when we go anywhere.

I trust him so much, it terrifies me.

He could literally be saying that he would catch me if I fell off a ten foot cliff and I would trust him to do that.

His protectiveness is even a little cute.

I've had one nightmare during the two weeks. Reid had comforted me immediately.

I remember me asking, "I don't know why I'm like this. What's wrong with me?"

He didn't hesitate when he answered, "Nothing is wrong with you. Your fucking perfect. A goddess, don't ever ask me that question again."

I wanted to kiss him so bad. So bad.

But I knew he wouldn't allow it. And it hurt. It hurt so much I wanted to cry more. All I wanted in that moment was his lips on mine. I wanted to know if his lips were soft or dry. I wanted to know how it felt to have his lips on my lips. But I was scared of getting rejected again, so I just laid-back in bed and cried into a pillow as Reid hugged me from behind, comforting me.

I still want to know how his lips would feel against mine. I think about it everyday. I haven't stopped thinking about it.

Only in my dreams, the good ones, is where Reid kisses me, on his own, putting his lips on mine.

The dreams get better if he slips his tongue in my mouth.

But the dreams end when things become hot. Like when he trails his hand from my cheek to my breast to the waistline of my panties. And then it ends.