Please Be There If I Remember

Chapter Twelve: Panic

Draco came to with a pounding headache that was resonating through his body and a sharp feeling of déjà vu. If he tried hard enough, he could feel his heartbeat through his ears, down to his toes and back up again like someone was beating rhythmically on a drum. He laid like that for a while, just sitting in the quiet bed, listening to his heartbeat, reminding him that he was alive.

He may have been a little confused about where he was at the moment—alright, very confused. But that's what happened when you lost your memory, so who was he to complain anyways.

He finally sat up in the bed with an unrestrained groan and got dizzying flashbacks from the first time he had woken up in the hospital wing so vivid he had to quickly lay back down as the headrush that greeted him made his whole body respond in pain.

Draco sighed through his nose, making a hissing noise that reminded him of a snake and he grumbled at the harsh feeling of fear that overtook him. Sharp red slits of eyes poured into his vision and he winced at the dark aura that suddenly seemed to surround him.

The sound of feet rushing to his bed broke his thoughts off for a moment and he relished in the small feeling of blissful ignorance before the pain came back.

"Hello again, Mr. Malfoy," Madam Pomfrey peered down at him with a soft smile.

He attempted to return it, but it felt a lot more like a grimace and he stopped the facial expression before it could deform his face anymore.

"Hello Madam Pomfrey," He finally said with a groan, reaching upwards with his upper body and sitting up delicately on the bed. The pain that had pulsated through his body had calmed to a dull throb and he dared himself to open his eyes. He was greeted sharply with the gaze of the mediwitch pouring into his soul, as she looked to search for anything wrong with him.

Well, he was lying in a hospital bed after fainting in the middle of a corridor for no apparent reason and now his whole head was hurting something fierce, so he wasn't sure how not wrong he was feeling at the moment.

"Where does it hurt?" The witch asked in that informative healer tone that Draco would have to struggle not to answer to.

"Pretty much everywhere, but mostly in my head," He eventually responded with a small huff out his nose. Madam Pomfrey smiled desperately at him and began to tell him more about what had happened.

"Well, Mr. Malfoy, you fainted just outside this door about five hours ago." Draco looked outside the window that was beside his bed to see that the curtains had been closed and that there was no light shining through them anymore. She continued on. "Thank goodness Mr. Potter was there to catch you, though. I'm not sure how much more falling onto the ground your head could take."

He snorted and she glanced at him with a bit of dark humour in her eyes. They turned serious again. "I believe it occurred because I was not able to fully heal your entire head injury. You see, when something happens to the head, it is very risky to pound the brain full of magic as you risk damaging the brain itself in irreplaceable ways. So I did the best I could, and left the rest to heal on its own. I am going to leave you with more potions now that I know the full extent of what the injury means, and I want you to keep these vials on you at all times—do you understand?"

"Yes," Draco answered with a slow nod of his head so as to not disturb the headache anymore than he already had. The witch placed a few bottles of different coloured potions on his bedside table that he decided he would inspect later.

"Good. Now, Mr. Malfoy, it is ten o'clock at night, and unless you think you can walk all by yourself back to the dungeons in the middle of the night and not expect to get some sort of reprimand for it, I suggest you stay here so I can keep a close eye on you."

He laughed at her not-so-subtle order to stay in the hospital wing and rested his head gently back onto the pillow beneath him.

"Thanks again for everything Madam Pomfrey."

"You are very welcome, Draco."

He fell asleep easily to the sound of his own heart and the cool breeze blowing softly through the window.

~*"*~

Draco woke up groggily to the sound of Theo's feet pacing aggressively against the floor. His headache had mostly disappeared leaving a hazy sense of waking up in the middle of the day after a long nap when you can't figure out what time it is and nothing makes sense.

Theo's sudden pacing stopped and Draco opened his eyes to see him staring down at him with anger fuming behind his eyes.

"What did Potter do to you?" Theo half-shouted.

Draco quickly sat up in his bed, confusion crowding all his other thoughts. He peered at Theo and he must have seen something on his face because he deflated and huffed as he sat down in a chair that was beside the bed.

"What happened?" Theo finally questioned at Draco's gaze which was conveying misunderstanding and confusion.

"Why do you think Potter had anything to do with what happened?" Draco asked—or, more correctly, blurted out.

Theo looked dumbfounded for a moment like this was not how he expected this conversation to go. "Because I allowed him to talk to you, and suddenly I get told by Professor Snape that you're in the hospital wing again. Of course I'm going to assume Potter did something to you."

Draco ignored the last bit, the first part sticking out like a sore thumb.

"What do you mean you allowed him to talk to me?"

Theo halted for a moment and fumbled with his hands. "He was outside of the hospital wing after you walked in, and he said he wanted to talk to you. I stopped him from that, though, because I didn't want you to worry or anything. Also, Potter's annoying so I didn't think you needed that," he answered with an eye roll and a shrug.

Draco narrowed his eyes at his friend. "I don't need babying Theo. Just because I got my memory wiped, doesn't mean you can force who and what I can talk to." He paused, playing with a frayed piece of fabric on the bed, his mind running a mile a minute. "In fact, what I need is to learn is how to interact with people who don't already know me." His heart started pounding against his chest and he tried taking deep gulps of breath to calm it. "I hate having people knowing everything about me, while I know nothing about them. I can't just hang behind the three of you and wait for you to circle around me and protect me like I'm some piece of fragile glass that's about to break if you touch it wrong."

Draco did his best to stay calm, even whispering out the words to hopefully make them seem less true, but he could still feel the prickle behind his eyes and he did his best to blink the tears back to keep them behind his eyelids. His breathing was coming out in small fits and bursts and he was momentarily distracted as he remembered the potion that had been in his pocket that Madam Pomfrey had given him for this exact situation.

Shaking his head and un-wrapping his arms from around himself—he didn't know when that had happened—he glanced upwards to look at Theo.

The boy's face was stricken and he was looking at Draco like he was a ticking-time-bomb that was about to go off.

"You know what, Theo," Draco suddenly muttered, "it doesn't matter. I'm fine now, my headaches...mostly gone, and I'm feeling tired again. Tell Blaise and Pansy they can see me in the morning, I'm going to bed. Night." He purposefully left out the good part in that sentence and waited for the sound of Theo's feet walking out of the hospital wing.

He laid his head down slowly on the fluffy pillow, but he was unable to close his eyes as his breathing was still quick and his mind was scattered and incoherent. Fumbling numbly through his pockets for the vials of potions, he reached in and grabbed them, uncorked each, and downed each of them in succession.

Resting down again, he let the calming draught take its effect as it spread through his body, and let his nerves settle down until all that was left was the sound of his own breathing and the leaden feeling on his heart.

He wasn't able to fall asleep for a while after that.