Please Be There If I Remember

Chapter Forty-Eight: Truth

A/n: Idk why this is so angsty, but THE COMFORT IS HERE. Also, things get a bit rough near the end because for some reason it turned, like, really sad, but it's all dealt with quickly. Just a warning—starts once Draco begins talking to Blaise.

Draco really hated the fact that his body would decide to suddenly do things he didn't tell it to. Like when his heart would pound so hard in his chest that it reverberated around his skull. Or when his stomach would clench, rendering his appetite lost for the next while, and his breathing would turn ragged and sharp like each inhale was a knife against his throat.

Even when it did things when he wasn't panicking, but happy, like when Harry would step close to him and his heart would flutter, his mind blanking. Draco would then be faced with the knowledge that if he tried to speak, his words would come out stuttered and warped, and his feet would freeze on the ground whenever Harry stepped closer, kissing him so that he could barely think at all.

Bodies were weird like that, and Draco hated the loss of control as his brain defied his heart by sending out whatever signals it wanted.

But what he found even worse, was when it wasn't his brain defying his wants, but something else. Someone else.

When Umbridge would hand him the vial of Veritaserum and force him to take those three drops so that she wouldn't send word to his father about the things that were happening at Hogwarts. When Draco would have to wait outside of her office, shivering while he waited for the potion to wear off, hoping that no one would see him. As her threat rang in his ears.

Next time, you will come to me with more information, or that hand of yours won't be so easily used.

When things like that happened, Draco wanted to run. He wanted to hide under a blanket, wishing that he could be free of the curse Umbridge had forced him to place himself under, waiting for the day her skin would cripple and wrinkle until she was finally gone.

But clearly, things didn't always happen the way he wanted them to.

~*"*~

The day before his next meeting with Umbridge, and the day of the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw quidditch match—apparently Ron had made some great saves and Ginny had caught the snitch—Draco talked to Harry.

He was slightly less panicked about everything, and more uncaring and utterly unfeeling; which, if the look on Harry's face was any indication, was worse.

Draco was a lot more careful tonight, waiting inside the classroom for Harry, and casting locking and silencing charms on the room. When his boyfriend had arrived, Draco had greeted him but didn't say much else, mind preoccupied with everything.

Harry obviously knew that something was wrong right away, and he walked up to him, pulling him into a hug. Draco had let out a surprised umph noise at the sudden contact, and Harry brought them over to one of those uncomfortable chairs. Casting a cushioning charm on each, still holding on to Draco's hand while he did, he sat them down. Draco leaned sideways on Harry's lap—even though the chairs really were an atrocious thing to lay on—and Harry took the liberty of carding his fingers through his hair.

Draco felt at peace for the first time in days.

"I really wish I could beat her up," Harry remarked calmly.

Draco hummed. "I would help, but I don't feel like getting expelled."

"You sound like Hermione."

"Then Hermione has some sense."

Draco could practically feel Harry roll his eyes.

He bit his lip in contemplation, mind still running a marathon. "Harry I—I need you to tell me something about the DA. It can be a lie, but make it sound real. And add something about yourself too—you can lie there too."