A Life full of Promise - Ranboo Adoption AU

(9) Is This the End

TWs: Suicide Attempt, Suicidal thoughts, Mentions of Homophobia, Depression

Ranboo POV:

Journal Entry No.94:

Its been a week since Tubbo and I seemingly fell out. After Tommy told Phil and Kristin about what Tubbo had done, they decided to not allow Tubbo to come over here anymore. Tommy was obviously sad but he understood why.

The past week has been hell for me. I lost my only friend because of something I did, because of who I am.

Everything and everyone gets taken away from me because of who I am and I dont think I can live with that anymore.

Do I belong in this world?

I put my journal down on the bedside table before laying down on the bed, staring up to the plain ceiling of my bedroom. Thoughts rushing through my head as I lay, very few of them good.

It was a while later when there was a knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in" I say with a hoarse from the lack of talking that I had done this past week. The door opens to reveal Wilbur with a plate of food. I'm assuming it was dinner.

"I thought I would bring your dinner up to you as I doubt you would be up to eating with everyone else" Wilbur speaks with a smile. I nod my head and give him a "thank you"

He placed the food on the bedside table next to my journal and went to leave before stopping.

"We are worried about you Ranboo, I dont want to force you too talk to us but we would love it if you did" Wilbur spoke with sadness in his voice before leaving the room.

'Great, now all of them hate me' I thought to myself as I pick up the plate of chicken and salad.

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Journal Entry No.95:

Another week has passed and I am really losing it. Phil and Kristin have been trying to get me to go and see my therapist, George, again but I have been refusing. Tommy has been coming into my room everyday and trying to get me to play games with him but I always push him away.

I think Wilbur has been taking this the hardest to be honest. Every night I see Wilbur leave the house and go somewhere through my window and then come back drunk a few hours later.

I havent seen Techno at all this past week, god knows what he has been doing but I dont blame him for not caring about me. If I was him, I sure wouldn't.

I'm sure that they want to get rid of me at this point. I'm way too much work for them, its clearly taking a toll so its only a matter of time before I get kicked out off another home. They may have adopted me but its never too late I am sure.

Is this the end for me?

As soon as I finished my journal entry there was a knock at my door.

"Come in" I said like always. The door opened a few seconds later and Wilbur entered with food once again. He would do this every night as he knew that I wouldnt leave my room to go downstairs and eat dinner.

In fact, for the past couple of weeks the only times I would leave my room would be to go the toilet or to have a shower. I may be sad but I like to keep my hygiene up.

He placed the food on the bedside table as usual. Wilbur would usually try and get me to talk to him in this time but tonight he just quickly left after placing the food down.

My appetite was low and I would never actually finish the meals I was given. Tonight it was a burger with some chips (or fries like you americans say). I managed to eat about half of the burger and most of the chips so I didn't do too badly.