𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 (𝘣𝘹𝘣)

thirty

tw: talk abt self-harm

**
Benjamin was sitting in his boss's office, waiting for him to arrive. He was asked to come in before work today.

Suddenly, the door opens and he sees his boss walk around to his desk. He takes a seat, letting out a sigh. "Good morning, Ben."

Benjamin smiles nervously. "Good morning. Is, uh...Everything alright?"

"Yes, I just wanna preface this by saying you're doing really great for just starting. You've quickly picked up on how things work around here."

"Thank you. So, what's the issue?"

"Nothing, nothing. Just lately you've been...Slowing down a little bit. At the last meeting, you didn't contribute much and you didn't meet the requirements we needed for the program. This is one of our biggest clients too, we can't lose them."

Benjamin blushes in embarrassment. "I'm so sorry."

"Is there something going on that we can help you with? Is this project too much? What can I do to help?"

"I'm fine...Really. I've just been...Stressed. I'm extremely grateful for this job and opportunity. I guess I'm just trying to do my very best."

"Okay. I'm gonna need you to fix some code on the program, it seems you were distracted it makes little sense. But if there's anything you'd like to discuss, I'm here to listen."

Benjamin nods his head. "Okay. And again, I'm sorry."

"That's fine. You're still new," His boss stands up, a smile
on his face. "I hope I didn't completely ruin your morning. There's breakfast in the break room, you hungry?"

Benjamin stands as well. "Sure. I just need to go to the restroom really quick."

**
Benjamin walks into Gabi's office with Subway Sandwiches. She wasn't able to leave her office today, but as promised, Benjamin was having lunch with her.

He sits down as he waits for her, her assistant David standing at the door. Benjamin clears his throat. "Uh, hi?"

"I can't leave until Gabriella gets here."

"Got it." Benjamin sits back and grabs his phone out of his bag to text her.

To Gabs: hey are we almost here??

From Gabs: yes sorry !! just closed w a client give me 5 minutes

Benjamin sighs and sets his phone back down into his bag. He looks down at his lighter before grabbing it in his hands. He stared at it for a few seconds before setting it back down.

*
"So? What's it like being back with Noah? Is it like high school all over again?"

Benjamin chuckles. "Uh, not really? We're super comfortable though which I love. I missed him so much."

"That's great. I'm so happy for you guys."

"Thanks. What about you and Alexis? How are you guys?"

"We're good. I'm going to her place for dinner. She's very sweet, I can't wait for you to actually meet her."

"Yeah. Instead of her walking in on me taking shots and crying?" Benjamin smiles.

"Mhm," Gabi takes a sip of her drink. "What about work? Are you fitting in with all the other nerds?"

Benjamin shrugs. "Yeah, I guess. Boss told me I've been slacking. I dunno..."

"Oh no. Why? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, totally. I don't know why I've been slacking. I have to recode like...An entire program. My brain is like fried."

"You got this, Benny. You're so smart. Don't worry about it." Gabi smiles.

**
"Babe?!" Benjamin unlocks Noah's front door as he was given a key. He walks into the apartment, throwing his bag down on the couch.

Noah appears from the shower, a towel around his waist. His hair was wet from the shower. "Hey, bebes."

Benjamin smiles at him, walking over to kiss him once. "Hi."

Noah smiles. "How was work?"

"It was okay."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. I just have to recode a program. I totally spaced and it makes no sense whatsoever."

"I'm sorry. Have you figured out what mistakes you made?"

Benjamin nods. "Yeah. And they're really embarrassing. It's like...Spelling errors or putting code in the wrong place."

"Bebesita, it happens to all of us."

Benjamin nods. "I guess," He sighs and gestures towards Noah's towel. "I'm sorry. Go, get dressed."

Noah nods his head. Benjamin sighs, "I'm just gonna use the restroom."

Noah smiles at him. "Alright."

**
It had been a few minutes, and Noah was beginning to get worried about Benjamin.

He walks up to the door, putting his ear against the door. He can hear soft sniffling. "Babe? You alright?"

He could also hear water running and assumed that Benjamin can't hear him. He sighs, deciding to open the door.

Benjamin drops his lighter, standing up while grabbing at his pants.

Noah furrows his brows and walks over to Benjamin. "W-What's going on? What are you-."

Benjamin shakes his head. "It's nothing. I-I was just-."

"Just what, Benjamin?"

"Nothing! I'm fine, it was nothing-."

"Don't lie to me, Benjamin. You can't look me in the eyes and say that nothing was happening-."

"No! I-I...I swear. I-I promise!"

Noah sighs and steps in front of Benjamin. He reaches down and grabs both of his hands. Noah could feel tears beginning to appear in his eyes.

"D-Do you remember high school? After everything with Kiara and Zoe...You were taking pills and being secretive. You weren't talking to anyone or letting anyone in? No one knew what was going on,"

Noah shakes his head. "You had this huge wall up and no one knew what was wrong. No one could help. Because you wouldn't talk. This feels like high school. You need to speak to someone or else we can't help you."

Benjamin had tears following down his eyes, still not saying a word.

Noah sighs and lets go of Benjamin's hand, beginning to walk away.

Benjamin takes a deep breath. "Markus taught me."

Noah turns around to look at him.

"I...I saw a scar on him once and asked him where it came from. And, he taught me...Like where and how to. I didn't actively do it until a few times after he had hit me,"

Benjamin stares at his feet. "I didn't know what else to do. And, it was so easy to do this and feel okay for a few minutes. It helped me. Like...I would be distracted from what was happening rather than...Markus."

Noah shakes his head. "Bebes.."

Benjamin takes in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I know we promised no more secrets and to talk but...I-I haven't been able to and...I feel like I can't. Every time I try and talk about Markus...I-It feels like I'm being suffocated and I don't know what to do,"

"Self-harm relapse is so fucking hard and...I managed to stay away from pills but he was so scary, Noah."

Noah frowns and leans in to give Benjamin a hug. Benjamin buries his face in Noah's shirt, letting out soft cries.

"Oh, baby. I think we should talk to your parents. Maybe think about getting you back in some therapy. It's not good for you to hold onto these things, okay?."

Benjamin nods his head. "Okay," He sniffs.

Noah runs his hands through Benjamin's hair. "Okay," He leans in and kisses him on the forehead before pulling away. "I'll go get your shoes and we'll head out."

**