TATTOOED -h.s.

Chapter 35

I can't see a life without her, mostly because without her I don't have a reason to live...Sarah was my reason to live...and now I don't have Sarah. She left because she saw the way I see myself, didn't she?

Sarah's P.O.V

It had been three weeks since I left Harry's apartment and I've not been back since. Three weeks...I'm finally giving up. I've tried contacting him but he rejects my calls and ignores my texts. He finally gave up on me...we finally gave up on each other. I don't know why he didn't even try to contact me, he's usually the one that would try to get back in touch with me, not the other way around. I didn't think that taking a break from our relationship and try friendship for a bit would cause me to lose him all together.

On the otherhand, I guess I can say I'm kind of used to this type of pain. It's just my daily, normal, orignal routine now to feel like this. It's not as bad as all the past times but it's nowhere near better. Zayn and I have been getting closer over these couple of weeks, he wants a realtionship with me, he even told me, but we both know I'm not ready for that. Especially with him knowing that I don't love him like Harry and I probably never will.

Courtney is hanging out with Louis again, I think they're dating but I wouldn't know because she's with him 24/7. It seems like she moved in with him and just hasn't told me yet. I've been here alone, bored out of my mind, Zayn dropping by every once and a while to hang out. "Let's get high as fuck and then go to Niall's party." He said as he invited himself in and sat on the couch next to me. "I'm down." I laughed. "You look horrible!" Zayn stated as he pulled my legs onto his lap. "Thanks." I sarcastically chuckled. "Not like that, but you look so tired." "Couldn't sleep." I yawned. His hand rested on my thigh as he stroked his thumb across my plaid pajama pants.

He lit the joint, took a hit, then passed it to me. The smooth, familiar smoke filled my lungs instantly calming all my nerves at once. After a couple more hits we were cracking up. "Sarah..." his laughing died down. "What?" I chucked as I brought my attention to him. "Kiss me." He said as softly place his hand on my cheek. "Zayn...I...I can't." "Please." He said in a hurt tone as his face fell, breaking the eye contact with me. "Zayn, look at me." I softly mumbled as I gently pushed up his chin. He looked at me and I didn't say anything, I kissed him. After seperating our lips we both smiled and before I could say anything he placed another kiss to my lips. Now laughing, he placed small kisses to my neck and I was enjoying it actually. I was finally able to push Harry to the back of my mind for once and I actually feel happy here, with Zayn, just the two of us, possibly falling in love. He was above me on the couch as it grew more intimate with each second. I couldn't get enough of his cigarette and tangy weed flavored lips. I grinded my hips against his signaling him that I want it.

Niall's P.O.V

There's about 30 people here already and it's pretty crowded considering it's just a loft apartment. The only person I couldn't seem to find so far was Zayn but he's probably just running late as usual. Liam was getting annoyed by some chick by the liquor counter, Courtney was grinding her ass on Louis as he stood against the wall, and Harry was just awkwardly standing in the corner of the room drinking from one of the red solo cups looking pretty fucked up. I watched as his gaze grew angry and his jaw tightened before storming off into the crowd. I looked to were his gaze was previously set and I seen Zayn with Sarah...hand in hand...What. The. Fuck.

Zayn's P.O.V

Sarah hasn't left my side since we got here, I got the sense as though she didn't wanna catch up with all our friends tonight after all these months. After each shot she took, something changed in her. I couldn't tell if it was anger, sadness, or both, there was just something going on in her head. Maybe overthinking? Overthinking about me? About us? My thoughts were pushed to the back of my head when she started to close the gap between our bodies. She left a small kiss on my jaw and then one on my lips, she tastes like alcohol and it's driving me crazy. After a couple seconds, she gasped and backed away from me in shock. Her eyes were locked behind me causing me to turn around. It was him, Harry. Looking straight at us. He didn't move but by the look on his face, I'm dead to him. His muscles twitched and his eyes were locked on me. He didn't look like Harry. I grabbed Sarah's face so that she'd look into my eyes. She was anything but calm as I tried to sooth her. "He broke it between you two, he's not worth any of this. Do you hear me? Don't let him ruin this, ruin us. Don't let him take away that smile I haven't seen in so long." She nodded but she looked back at him once more. "Zayn, I can't do this, I'm sorry." Those words made something in me snap. "Sarah, what the fuck is wrong with you? After all the shit he put you through, after everything he caused, after all the times he almost got you killed you still want to go back to him?" I yelled in her face but immediately regret it. I turned to see Harry hesitating if he should come this way. She looked betrayed and hurt by me at the same time. "I knew this was a mistake." She scoffed. "I was the mistake?...We had fucking sex!" I yelled before I could realize it coming out of my mouth. Everyone and everything went silent. All eyes were on us as the jaws continued to fall to the floor. I'm dead. I turned towards Harry and he wasn't in his previous spot. I couldn't spot him quick enough and to my surprise I was strongly pushed into the table behind me. I looked to see Harry walking past me straight towards the apartment door. I looked up and made eye contact with Sarah but she quickly broke it and chased after Harry.

Sarah's P.O.V

"Harry stop!" I yelled after him over and over again as I chased him down the plain white hallway. "Harry!" I screamed as I finally caught up to him and grabbed his t-shirt in my fist. He stopped dead in his tracks and I slowly dropped the black material from my hand. Without turning around he stood there breathing heavily, attempting to calm down as he ran his fingers through his hair. "How fucking could you?" He shot around, full of instant rage. "I..." "Shut the fuck up and let me finish! We may not be together, but I never touched another woman since I've been with you, not even during our breaks or periods of fighting. Fuck, I dont even look at other woman because of you!...And Zayn to top it all off? How fucking dare you...just go, get out of my face because I can't even look at you right now!" "Harry..." I still tried. "I said go!" He growled as I felt his two hands push me with all his force to the ground. I whimpered in pain as I quickly tried to get up and away from this stranger because this is not Harry. I looked him in the eyes and I noticed how his face fell when he seen the tears streaming down my face, realizing what he had just done.

A/N: Jesus Christ, guys! I know, this was a dramatic and beyond shocking chapter. I didn't want to do this but it's a book. Do you think Sarah and Harry will ever get better from here? Will they ever be the way they used to be?