TATTOOED -h.s.

Chapter 17

Sarah's P.O.V

I still just sat up thinking. I know he told me to live on and not be affected by him being gone but I can't help it, it's literally killing me. I laid down and stared at the ceiling, I scratched my neck, still not thinking clearly. As I scratched, I hit something, the necklace. Harry's necklace. Oh my God... I completely forgot about it. It's the only thing I have left of him. A sudden rush of adrenalin surged through my body, causing me to stand up and scream as I smashed my pillow to the floor. I grabbed the small chair from the corner of the room and began smashing everything in sight, the lamp is now shattered and the light is now gone. The side table is smashed into pieces and papers begin to fly around the room. "Why?" I screamed at the top of my lungs as the tears flooded my face. I threw the chair across the room and slowly slid down the wall as I clenched the small paper airplane pendant in my fist. I just sat there with my face in my knees and without knowing, my vision went black. I finally fell asleep after weeks of suffering. It feels like only 5 minutes pass before I feel my body being lifted from the ground, too tired to speak and too weak to react. I feel my back lightly hit my familiar mattress and before I could open my eyes, sleep took me back against my will. I woke up a couple hours later, there is no light in my room and I don't remember turning the light off...wait...how did I get in my bed? I know I didn't fall asleep here. I thought I trashed my room, where is the mess? Maybe I was just dreaming, that sleep deprivation really fucked with my mind. I stood up and turned on a the light. Why is my door closed? I thought as the thoughts just erupted my mind one after another. I rubbed my head in confusion before opening my bedroom door, revealing the dark hallway. I walked towards the bathroom and I heard a noise behind me. "Who's there?" I panicked hoping it was just Lauren. I looked down the hall to see nothing. All of a sudden a pair of arms wrap around my body from behind. I yelped, swung around and pushed the object away, causing me to fall onto my ass. I look up and I can't even describe what I'm seeing right now. I suck in a sharp gasp of air as I begin to blink uncontrollably. I'm speechless, unable to even utter a word. I slowly stood up and walked near the figure, slightly frightened and lost. I reached my destination and I slowly lifted up my hand and touched his face, making sure he was real. "Sar, I'm sorr..." I stopped his lips from moving by placing my finger over them. "Shhh." I mumbled. Tears began to weld up in my eyes as he tried to talk again. "Please just shut up." I smiled as the tears didn't stop. I held his face in my hands and snaked my arms around his torso as I held my wet face to his chest. He grabbed my face and pushed his lips into mine, making my heart skip multiple beats. Still full of disbelief I inhaled his scent. "I love you...so much." I cried. He laid my head against his chest and kissed the top of it and whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." He sounded so broken, so torn from reality. He picked me up and carried me to my bedroom. He placed me on the bed and hovered over me. "Please?" I begged and in response he dipped his head down to my ear and whispered "I'll be the one if you want me to..." I smiled and placed a light kiss to his cheek. I watched him as he grabbed a square, silver colored package from his wallet. He brought it up to his teeth, tore the wrapper, and removed the condom. He pulled down his pants and rolled the condom down his stiff length and threw the wrapper to the side. He gently got back on top of me as he spread my legs. He lowered his face to my ear as his curls tickled my cheek. "Are you sure about this?" He asked. I lightly nodded. "You ready?" he whispered into the crook of my neck. I nervously nodded, swallowing the lump of fear in my throat. His muscles began to tense as he pushed himself inside of me. I winced in pain as he stared at me with guilt. He pushed himself further in as I thought about the unpleasant, strange feeling that I've never felt before. "If I could trade places with you, I would." he whispered as he kissed away the tears from my cheeks. He paused and placed sweet kisses down my neck and my chest before looking into my eyes and saying "I'd take the pain away if I could, Sar..." I knew that there was not a single lie in those words, I know how he feels about my safety and protection. My tear glazed eyes watched his toned chest flex as he pushed his hips closer, going all the way in. I whimpered as I looked down to now see our hips completely sealed together. I noticed the sadness in his eyes as he hated the thought of me in pain, especially when it was caused by him. "Don't cry, babe." He said as he kissed my forehead. I held him tightly with my nails digging into his back as he adjusted himself. I quietly sobbed as he placed his hand on my back and mumbled "I know baby, I know." I looked into his eyes as it looked like he wanted to cry. His naked body sealed the space between us as he protectively held me close. "Keep going." I whispered while trying to ignore the pain. "No..." he strained. He breathing remained rapid as he planted soft kisses onto my neck. "Please Harry?" I whispered. He shook his head, not wanting to continue causing me pain. I pushed my hips into his desperate to feel him. I heard him slightly moan before placing a hand on my chest as he demanded me to stop. He tried to deny me. "I want to feel you..." I mumbled against his slightly parted lips. "I need you..." I continued before sealing our lips with a kiss. He started slowly moving his hips again. The discomfort continued, but the pain lessened. He brushed his lips against mine and said "I'm sorry," He paused and started thrusting faster before finishing his sentence, "but I will never fail to give you what you want." He dropped his head down to my chest, moaning my name under his breath as he sucked on my collar bone. My freehand gripped the back of his neck. I took both of my hands and tangled them into his slightly damp hair, tugging at it every once and a while. He bit the chain of the paper airplane necklace that laid across my bare chest. He forced himself fiercely into me and I bit my lip trying to keep myself from crying. I pulled him close to me, holding him in my arms trying to distract myself with his love. "You're so tight." he grunted in between breaths. His hand gripped the head board above me as his muscles tightened with each thrust. I looked into his eyes, realizing that they weren't the same bright, beautiful, green, emerald eyes as usual. They were now dark. He made my body tense up with fear as he kept thrusting faster, making the pain more intense. I then realized that this boy was never used to being gentle, he shut his feelings off during sex, it was never anything more than just a shag to him. Him taking advantage of girls without any emotion towards them. I held onto him tightly, wanting to show him the love he never felt. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held his face into the crook of my neck. I hushed him before saying his name quietly into his ear. He slowed down and eventually stopped. He stayed still as I held him tightly. I let go of him and he looked into my eyes. "Make love to me." I whispered. "I am." he uttered. "No. Not sex, love. Show me how much you love me." I said as I stared into his eyes. He kissed my lips as he gently began thrusting again, this time more slow and gentle. "I'll keep you safe." he whispered as he held me close to him, not stopping. The room was now full of moans and lust until he released his hot liquid into the condom and collapsed on top of me. He laid above me for a while until pulling himself out of me, making me feel hollow and foreign. "Are you okay?" He asked as he placed a soft kiss to my cheek. All I could say was "I love you."