Espio: [While talking on the phone with Silver] Are you serious?! I didn't even know that could happen! Okay, bye! [Hangs up]
Ruv: Who was that?
Espio: Silver! He said the internet was like, gone!
Ruv: Gone?! The internet doesn't just, go!
Espio: Something about satellites being down across the city!
Dawn: What did you guys do to the internet?
Ruv: We didn't do anything! It's down for everyone!
Dawn: Fix it.
Espio: For how long?
Ruv: We don't know! Alexa, how long will the internet be down? [Alexa doesn't respond, and Ruv gets a sudden realization] Wait...
20 minutes later...
Ruv: [Playing Poker with Dawn] Checkmate!
Dawn: We are playing Poker.
Espio: Guys! [Pulls out a piece of paper]
Ruv: What are you doing?
Espio: It's a selfie!
Dawn: Okay.
Espio: You have to leave a like or a comment!
Ruv: [Sarcastically] Cute.
Espio: Are you being sarcastic?!
Ruv: Always! I usually put a heart emoji to cover it up! [Espio just glares at him] You really didn't know that?!
Espio: BLOCKED!!!!!
Ruv: Seriously?!
Espio: I'm blocking you! You don't exist to me anymore! What about you, Dawn?
Dawn: Here, send it to me.
Espio: Are you gonna repost it?
Dawn: [Rips the paper]
1 hour later...
Phone: [Ringing]
Ruv: [To Espio] Answer it!
Espio: No way! You answer it!
Ruv: I don't wanna talk to people, Espio! Are you crazy?!
Espio: I literally just don't have the time!
Ruv: I only take emergency calls!
Dawn: [Doing something in her room]
Ruv: [He and Espio walk into Dawn's room] What are you doing?
Dawn: This is how we can text.
Espio: That's a fax machine!
Dawn: It is the only way we can communicate with people.
Ruv: Whatever. Anything's better than calling!
Espio: Let me send a message to Crystal!
Dawn: Keep it simple. Do not make it long and stupid.
Espio: ["Texting" Crystal] I love you. I hope you're doing okay. I'm always thinking about you! <3 [Sends the "text"]
Ruv: Now what?
Dawn: We wait.
[Insert long waiting segment]
Espio: Did we seriously do this before the internet?
Dawn: No, we had someone do it for us.
Ruv: Now I know how Blue Collar workers feel.
Dawn: I do not know what that is.
Espio: She's faxing back! :D
[Insert longer long waiting segment]
Ruv: Jesus.
Espio: It's done!
Ruv: What's her response?
Espio: She said "K."
Dawn: Wow.
Espio: Crystal's just one of those people who speak louder without words.
Dawn: I do not think so.
2 hours later...
Dawn: [Sees Ruv freaking out] What is wrong with him?
Ruv: Only five characters left! Better start a thread!
Espio: He's having a breakdown.
Ruv: I'm not breaking down, you stupid bitch! Send tweet!
Dawn: There is no Twitter.
Ruv: Don't talk to me like that, you idiot! I've got booty pictures! Send Tweet!
Espio: Ruv, there's no tweet to send!
Ruv: Unfollows Espio!
Espio: What!
Ruv: Oh, shut up! I'll follow you again tomorrow and blame it on the glitch that doesn't exist!
Dawn: I wish I could livestream this demise.
Ruv: I can't do this anymore!
Espio: The internet will be back soon!
Ruv: SAYS WHO, ESPIO?!!!!! THE NEWS?!!!!!
Espio: Well-
Ruv: WE DON'T HAVE NEWS ANYMORE?!!!!! SEND TWEET?!!!!!
Dawn: Oh my god, stop saying that!
Ruv: How am I supposed to be passive-aggressive about a private matter in public now?!
Espio: Why don't you tell us how you feel instead of tweeting it to us, Ruv?
Ruv: Ugh, I can feel myself becoming irrelevant every passing second!
Espio: You are such a baby!
Ruv: I can't feel anything anymore! Send tweet!
Dawn: [Splashes Ruv with water]
Ruv: [Pants heavily]
Dawn: Do you feel that?
35 minutes later...
Silver: Okay, guys, the internet should be up and running now! [No responses] Guys? Why are the lights off? [Turns on the lights] Oh my god...
Ruv, Dawn, and Espio: [Insert zombie noises]
Silver: Oh no... Guys, look, the internet's back! All your social media, your thirst traps, it's back! [Everything turns back to normal] There! All better!
Dawn: [Gets on her phone] It is about time.
Espio: [Gets on his phone] You know, it really wasn't that bad.
Ruv: [Gets on his phone] I know, right? I think everyone should unplug at least once a month.
Silver: [Internally] Help me...
YOU ARE READING
The Friday Night Funkin Book of Randomness
FanfictionI made a Sonic Book of Randomness a little while back, so now I'm making a Friday Night Funkin Book of Randomness!
