Afraid to Fall

Ch. 19 Secrets

I have trust issues.
It's hard for me to open up to people.
I want to open up to Harry.
But it's hard for me too.
I need to take things slow.
I can't trust people anymore because of him.
I'm laying on my couch. Reading. As usual. I hear a knock on my door which makes me jump.
I huff. Why do I always get interrupted during to good parts?
I open up the door.
"Hey Harry, I thought you had class today."
He smiles "I decided to skip it today cause I wanted to see you." He says as he walks in giving me a peck on the cheek.
"And when do you ever go to work?" I laugh. I never see him going to work. I don't get why he skips it.
"Haven't you noticed that I've been gone on Wednesday mornings?"
Wow I guess he's right. I'm surprised I didn't even notice. He's always in my thoughts. How could I not notice that?
"So what do you want to do today?"
"Hmm I don't know. How about just a lazy day on the couch or something." I say. I'm in my sweatpants wearing my reading glasses and my hair is a tangled mess. Surprisingly I don't care if Harry sees me like this. He still looks at me the same.
After a few minutes of flipping through boring channels, Harry asks, "Em,why did you really leave Michigan. why did you want to get away? What made you want to go away?"
Hasn't he realized that this is a touchy subject.
"Harry I just don't like talking about it okay?"
"Why can't you tell me Em?"
"It's just not a good time. "
"Emily, I tell you everything. We've only been dating for two months but I mean I told you how I felt and how I loved you for the first few weeks, I wrote and sang you a song about my feelings, I took you to my special place. And you can't give me one answer for that?" He asks.
I can tell he's getting angry. He never uses my real name unless he's upset, angry or just wanting to be serious.
"Harry I don't want to talk about it. I don't feel like it. Drop it." I say a little more sharply then I intended.
"Well Emily I just don't get why you can't trust me. I tell you everything so you must be hiding something from me. You're keeping secrets. I thought you'd be able to trust me but I guess not." He says in the same time I used.
His eyes are instense and staring back at me waiting for an answer. They're darker than usual.
"Harry no I can't. I need some time."
He stands up. He walks towards the door.
"Fine Emily, call me when you're ready to be honest with me." He raises his voice.
"I don't need to tell you everything Harry. You're just pushing it. Just because we're dating doesn't mean we have to confess everything to eachother and always see eachother and pressure eachother into telling things. If you were a good and real boyfriend, you would already know not to do that."
I say. Wanting to take it back right after I let it slip from my mouth. I didn't mean it at all.
"I thought you loved me.." He sighs.
"If you loved me you'd trust me. You'd tell me everything like I do, because I love you." He says.
"Just um give me a call and let me know what you want. I'm sorry I've been annoying and clingy. I'll stop. Uh see you Emily." He looks at me and I can see all the pain I caused across his face. He shuts the door.
"But I do love you.." I whisper.