Afraid to Fall

Ch. 23 Trust Issues

As soon as Harry wakes up he groans.
"Agghh my head is pounding." He grabs all the asprin I put out for for him and chugs it down with water.
"Well that's what you get when you're drunk and you do stupid things." I say.
"What did I do?" He asks, not remembering anything.
"Well you drank wayy too much. Went crazy. Punched your sister's boyfriend because you thought he was flirting with me and got jealous." I reply.
"What?! Gemma's gonna kill me!"
"Nah she drank just as much as you did. She'll probably barely remember it."
He looks relieved.
"So why aren't you screaming at me right now?" He asks.
God he knows me so well.
"Well I would but, even though what you did was stupid and selfish and once again stupid, I know you care. You care about me. You got jealous of him talking to me. Which says a lot. So I thought that was adorable. And usually I get scared when people drink, but you made up for it when we got home cause you got all giggly and cuddly."
His face gets bright red.
"Oh god. Really? I did?" He covers his face with his hands.
"Yes but it's okay. I loved it." I smile and give him a peck on the cheek.
*************************************
So for most of the day, we lay on the couch, cuddle and pretty much do nothing because of Harry's headache.
"Em?" Harry says. "Why did you say you get scared when people drink?"
Ugh I didn't think he'd notice that. I accidentally let it slip.
"Well," I sigh. "This goes with the story of why I have trust issues."
"It all started 3 years ago. I was 18. My parents were fighting and fighting and decided to get a divorce. It hurt a lot. I never expected it. Soon they just let all their stress out on me. I couldn't take it anymore. So I left."
"I always lived in Michigan so I didn't want to leave the state but I went far away from my parents. I started hanging out with the wrong people. I drank a lot. All the time. I started doing drugs. It wasn't good at all. One good thing about it was that I met Niall there. He was my neighbor. Even though I was a messed up neighbor, he still was kind. That's what made us become best friends."
Harry looks surprised. Probably about me doing drugs and drinking a lot. Ugh I hate talking about this.
"One day a new person came into our group. Luke. He was very tall. Had blue eyes and blonde hair that was always spiked up. He even had a lip ring. We became good friends. But we did bad things. We both became addicted to drugs and alcohol."
"Well we started dating. Everything was perfect. We went way to fast into the relationship. We just kind of fit. We decided to move in together. And I just loved him."
I can't te what Harry's thinking by the look on his face. Does he think I'm creepy? Weird? Stupid?
"Well with all the drugs and alcohol. It just was hard on my body. I had to go to the hospital for a few weeks. Then to rehab. When I was let out Niall helped me. He helped me stay clean of the drugs and alcohol."
"Even though I was clean. Luke didn't want to stop. He kept having parties at our house. He'd go to other places. He was just so addicted. We still dated for a year."
"Then in our 2nd year of dating things started to go bad. He hit me for the first time. I caught him cheating at one of "our" parties at our house. I called him out on it but he just denied it. Too drunk to even know what he was saying."
"For that year there was constant fighting and fighting. It was just a cycle. Parties.Drinking.Hitting.Fighting.Apologizing. Parties."
"But for some reason I stayed with him. I still loved him."
"Our third year was the worst year. From all the partying and drinking. Luke could never keep a job. He'd blame it on me. We barely had any money. That's when Luke started physically and verbal abuse. He'd tell me how worthless and ugly and all the other mean things e could possibly tell me I was. I told him everything before and he used all my secrets against me. He would just hurt me. Kick me. Punch me. Choke me. Literally strangle me. Cut me. So much.It was all too much. I got depressed and I wanted to die.
I look up at Harry. He looks concerned. Wanting to comfort me but not knowing if he should or not.
"He wouldn't let me out of the house to talk to Niall or anybody. He wouldn't let me eat. He'd just use me when he was angry."
I haven't thought about all this as much ever since I first got here. I've been so happy but thinking about all of this is depressing. It was horrible. I then start to sob.
Harry hugs me tight. Planting kisses on my forehead whispering in my ear "I'll never hurt you like he did. I promise. " or "I love you so much."
"Then while he was out "working" Niall came in the house. He told me this is my time. I need to escape. Niall helped me pack up everything and leave. I didn't want to leave Niall but I had to. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here. So that's why I don't trust people. I'm sorry Harry." I say.
"Em don't be sorry. I love you so much. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'll never ever hurt you like he did. I promise. I'm sorry I scared you when I drank. I'm so sorry." He hugs me tight.
So this is what it feels like to love again.