Long Time No See

Pain

Eric
Home
11pm
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"BABE." I called out just as I walked through the door. The house was pretty quiet when I take my shoes off at the door. I took a deep breath and scan the bottom floor and thought at this time she was definitely upstairs.

"I think we need to talk." She said as I walked towards the steps.

"Ok" I said pausing in my tracks. I decided to let her leave the conversation since she brought it up. Well I wasn't sure what she wanted to talk to me about the energy that she gave off let me know that this wasn't gonna be a friendly conversation.

"Look I know this is hard and that it's going to take some time for us to get baby to where we were before I got pregnant but I want to know if you think we can get back to that space." She asked.

"I... I was just saying maybe I should have left you alone. I could've stayed in New York or Atlanta and let you live the life that you wanted to in Texas. But I wanted you so bad, not just sexually but could never stop thinking about you and this moment. Not the arguments but us having a family and you letting me love you the way I thought..." I paused.

"Mar you initially not wanting to have my babies once you did get pregnant really fucked me up. And I don't necessarily know how long it will take us to get back to a place with it doesn't matter..." I paused again. The part of me that still loved her, wanted to say that I was willing to try to see if we could get back to that place. But the selfish part of me wanted to say I didn't know. In reality both parts of me didn't know and it would come off crazy if I continued to talk. So instead of finishing my thought, I continue to stare at her from the bottom of the stairs.

"I i've never had a man talk to me the way that you do. I mean I've never had a man talk about me the way that you do either and as much as I try to push you away you stayed. I didn't what this conversation to be solely based on the past for baby I'm sorry. It's obvious that you haven't forgotten or forgiven me and I don't know what to do." She began to cry which triggers me to walk up the steps.

"I'll be honest I haven't. But there's no excuse for my behavior lately. I have not been able to communicate I have been feeling and I didn't wanna hurt your feelings... Amari I want this to work and if the babies weren't in the picture then..."

"I don't wish that you would've left me alone. I wish that things could've been different but we have kids to worry about now. I just want my friend back." She began to cry again.

"I'm sorry Amari. Baby I'm so sorry." I took her in to my arms.

"I fucked up and I wasn't man enough to talk to you again..."

"I can't do this shit by myself!" She said now angry.

"You aren't." I responded.

"That co parent shit isn't the direction I want to go but if that's what you are thinking about I'm not even going for it." Her whole attitude changed. She went from tears to almost as if she was ready to fight me. I realize that her emotions are running high and whatever she needed to do to explain how she was feeling I was going to sit through it.

"I wasn't trying to go that way but it seemed like the only good option at the time. You know I love you but that shot fucked me up. I'm moved to Texas for you girl. I'm from New York! I want you to fucking marry me but she'd got hectic..." I said before I realized how loud I was.

"So why did you feel the need to fuck her. I know she is pretty but why? Why go across the fly across country!" She said still behind hostile.

"It wasn't that..."

"She fucking you better? All that shut you were telling me were just sweet nothings. The last time I checked..."

"I didn't say that..." I butted in.

"Then why? You flew HOURS for pussy for what?"

"I WANTED YOU TO HURT THE SAME WAY I DID." I yelled. All emotion was wiped away from her face. I took a few deep breaths trying to regulate my emotions and my volume.

"I wanted you to feel the pain I was Mar. it was a shitty way of doing it and I know that but I was hurt. It was your choice and I was gonna have to be OK with it but I was hurt. It didn't make me feel better though even after seeing you hurt." I finished, taking a few steps back.

"Look I didn't think that you understood how much you wanting to... I didn't feel like you got it. How much I was hurt. The only way I could make you feel that pain." I said. The shot felt so good in the moment but it just made everything worse.

"Eric I'm sorry." She whispered.

"You don't need to apologize. It was fucked up and I... I shouldn't have taken you though that." I looked at her.

"I just want to move on. I just want to be happy and what ever I need to do to show you that I want you and these babies I'll do it." She said making me fell a way.

"I should be saying that to you. It doesn't matter how pretty she is you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I love you, that little boy, and these babies. I'm sorry I should have thought about how doing that shit would affect you." I said stepping closer. She was a woman, a pregnant woman at that. Her emotions were all over the place and she definitely didn't feel confident and she wanted to. Hadiya was a fashion model who who's on the covers of magazines. I should I thought about the history that she and I had in addition to the history that she and Amari had.

"I'm sorry baby. Ain't no pussy better than mine." I said bringing her in to my arms.

"You have to earn that." I heard her say.

"I needed some time to think about what I want and talking to you everything that I thought I wanted changed. I want a family. I wanted to be selfish but I need to do what I have to do."

"I just want the flip flopping to stop. I want you to mean it." She looked up at me.

"Amari I mean it. I can't expect me to be easy but I swear to you that I will make it work." I said confidently switching my stance. A few hours ago I was ready to pack up but now I was confident in staying.