Long Time No See

Respect

Like many nights before I didn't sleep. I hadn't slept in a bed alone for months but it may be something that I need to get used to again. It was so bad that I called my sister. As soon as I opens the door I began to cry. The sight of her knocked the wind out of me.

"What's wrong!" She said holding me. I could tell that she looked around to see if I was alone. She locked the door and I couldn't speak through the tears.

"Do you need to go to the hospital? Are you in pain?" We didn't even make it to the couch or the stools in the kitchen.

"I think I lost him but I can't have this baby." I managed to say without any context.

"Is that what tomorrow is about?" She asked, joining me in the floor. She held me like a baby.

"Even if he takes me back he will never look at me the same. Eric won't love me the same way." I continued.

"It's your choice Mar but are you sure? That's a permanent solution." I sat to think.

"I'm sure. I'm not ready for another kid. I didn't even know I was pregnant so how can I have his baby? I'm not ready to change my life again Jaimie. I was doing so well and now I can't take it back." Eric would take care of me and I wouldn't have to lift a finger. Thinking about it I barely lifted a finger now.

"Amari have you seen a doctor? Not every woman knows. Doesn't he have a a daughter?"

"He is an only child and having kids is important to him." I looked up at her shaking my head. I tried to talk my self off of the ledge that I was on.

"Calm down. Breathe and talk to me." She made me go from laying on her chest to sitting up against the wall. It took me a few minutes to try my face, and catch my breath.

"I love him, owner of the company or not I love him. That love is stronger than people pointing fingers at me if I go from his girlfriend to his wife. But my life changes not his. I can see a life with him but I don't think that I want anymore kids." I spoke slowly and combed through my thoughts accordingly.

"You said before that he was an amazing father..." I put my face in my hands and cried because I don't have an answer.

"In my heart I don't want to put this baby at risk and I already have."

"But you want him." She asked. My whole body began to shake.

"And I know it's over after this. The way he looked at me. Jaimie he hates me." Any man would especially when I'm trying to terminate a pregnancy.

"I'm going to support your decision but from the outside looking in I don't get it. From your point of view, you have an amazing man who loves you and the som that's not his and you want an abortion. It's not for me to understand but your kids would have an amazing future. But if whatever you are fearful of has gotten you to the point that this is what you want to do that's fine. But you can't take this back..." Her words stuck with me.

•••
- From Eric's point of view
•••

"This can't be the end of us." Amari cut me off on the middle of my sentence. I began to step away from her knowing that I was going to choke the hell out of her if I didn't.

"Its is her body and her choice." I continued repeating in my head because it was the truth. Even though I was hurt I couldn't let myself act on it.

"I can't even look at you."  I got myself together knowing my questions would never get answers.

"What does this mean for us?" She asked. My entire body began to shake because it wasn't just about us anymore. Both of our children are involved now.