Long Time No See

Was

"When she and I were together she was my confidant. She is my sense of safety as a woman should be to man when they are in a relationship. We ended our relationship years ago but continued having sex regularly. Once I met you, and your son it stopped. We stopped communicating until she reached out one day, the day she left her panties and I reached out to her to be my date." I didn't even bother to ask about the time line. There was a point where I didn't care what he did but that was be we got to this point. Before the pint of him staying at my house, buying me diamond, and telling me that he loved me. It was different when it was just coffee.

"I'll never speak to her again. Amar I'll never think about her again." He got down on one knee then the other. I rolled my eyes knowing it wasn't that simple.

"I could have stayed in Atlanta and let X cheat on me if I wanted to share..."

"I'm not finna let you keep bring him up. That situation is purely sexual."

"Sexual? How do you have a purely sexual relationship with someone else outside of relationship that you already have? How would you feel if my situation with my sons father was just sexually? Or josh?" I began pleading with him to make it make sense. I could have had sex with X when he decided to pop up on me. As much as I wanted to I didn't need to open that can of worms.

"I fucked up." He yelled loud enough to wake Aden. His cries filled the apartment. I could tell that he was just yelling and in need of a little attention and maybe was a little hungry.

"Shit." He said getting up and walking towards the bedroom door.

"I got it." I yelled back. He walked out of the door anyway, heading to the kitchen. I heard him opening cabinets knowing he was making Aden food.

"Come here papa." He stopped crying as soon as I walked in to the room. I scooped him up taking him out to the kitchen where Eric stood making sure the temperature was just right.

"Amari." He says passing me the fruit purée. I was drained and all I wanted to do was fight. My blood was boiling because the conversation was pointless.

"What?" I didn't even know why he was still here.

"I wasn't... I'm not leaving here and going to be with her. There are no scheduled days and time I see her" He corrected himself. He began to run down a list of Sid chick duties.

"Her contact information isn't save as someone random in an attempt to be deceitful. It's not what you think, there isn't any..." I continued to feed Aden until he pushed me a way. I carried him over to the sink to wet a paper towel to clean his hands and face. Once back in my arms he laid his head in my chest.

"Eric you are doing a whole lot of talking." I swayed slowly, rocking him back to sleep.

"I need you to hear me." He said stepping closer to me.

"I heard what you said but I don't need anyone coming in and out of my life. You come in here playing house and shit isn't cool. You get tired and then up and dip off..."

"I'm not going anywhere. I don't leave last night and I'm not leaving tonight because this is where I want to be." The question was did I want him to be here.

I didn't know if I could say that he cheated on me. I don't know how I was supposed to act or feel. I didn't want to back down so easily because that may allow him to do it again. I couldn't feel him anymore which was the scariest part of the entire conversation.

"I hear you but I don't feel you." I said out loud trying to be transparent. Aden has finally fallen asleep and I laid him down. Someone had to get a full night of sleep because it wasn't going to be me.

"Your energy is unusual and it's not as strong as it usually is." I said opening Aden's door and putting him in his crib. This time I left the door cracked as I left.

"I'm not as strong as I usually am. I'm in a weird spot I have never had to have a conversation like this." He folded his arms and studied my kitchen floor. When he looked up at me I looked away. I was used to him applying pressure not messing up.

"I can't apologize enough. It was a stupid choice. I hate that I'm the cause of your pain." He continued to dance around the word mistake. I knew that he was aware that that would set me off. Keeping contact with someone and telling me that you want me to have your kid isn't a mistake.

"I'm glad that you know it's a choice." I said under my breath.

"A stupid one."

"I don't know what to say. I want to punch you in the throat." I was angry, but only at myself.

"I know what your succes means to you and why what we have needs to be separate and private. I'll admit I couldn't handle it but I didn't need to handle it I needed to understand it." He made his way out of the kitchen and closer to me. I folded my arms and let out a huge sigh. I knew I would feel better in his arms but that was too easy.

Do I need him? I thought to myself. I know I wanted him but was I willing to put him out and never look back?

"Put everything on the table. What is this to you because I know what it is to me." I slipped a way retreating to my bedroom. I didn't want him to box me in while we stood and change my mind without me getting my point across.

"For me you are...were... I don't know at this point." I confused myself.

"My boyfriend, my confidant and this isn't some fly by night bullshit." The first year dropping and I had never felt so weak in my life. I returned to my side of the bed, sitting crisscrossing my legs, and facing him as he stood by the door.

"You sit up here and talks about my job preventing us from being together and nothing stands in our way! If I wanted Josh I'd make it happen! Just like Gia's mother, Aden's father is going to be around!" I yelled because I was upset with myself. I was almost furious that I was crying and it was his fault.

"Don't cry..." Eric cut me off.

"Don't tell me what to fucking do Eric. It's cool because you are going to feel me." I nodded my head thinking if the ways I could get him back.

"You are my girl, apart of my heart, my present and future Amari. If I didn't before, I belong to you and this relationship. I was wrong."