Long Time No See

Choice

I got back to Eric's place and he wasn't there. I waited around until I got the text that the game night was postponed. I doubt that Eric would have said anything to his friends about what was going on with us. I walked around the apartment for a while before settling on the couch.

"Everything was perfect and now I'm about to go and mess it up." I said to myself out loud. I looked around thinking about how great my life would have been if I wasn't so selfish. Since I am so selfish do I even love this man or did I trick myself in to it?

"Snap out of it!" I continued to talk to myself. Of course I love him. How could I not? Amu man that would allow his relationship to be a secret because his girlfriend wanted it to be is a keeper. There were times where I could have done him super dirty and I didn't. Hell he could have gotten mad at me and had someone fire my ass if he really wanted to.

"I should have been smarter." If I didn't stop thinking with my head when it came to him maybe I wouldn't be here. I should have had my own condoms and not let great, consistent, soulful sex get in the way.  I didn't know that I didn't want anymore kids until I got pregnant. What i needed to figure out was if I didn't want any more right now or ever.

I had fallen asleep and woken up before I decided to organize my stuff to make it easier to pack it after we had our final argument. Not having any more kids was a deal breaker for Eric that he had been over looking. I walked past the room he made for my son and knowing that he put so much effort in to making us apart of his life.

"Shit." I did everything that I said I wouldn't including letting another man get close to my son. In the midst of beating myself up and backing duffle bags I heard the penthouse elevator ding. I could hear him throw his keys on the counter as I checked my phone for the time. It was just before midnight when I placed the jewelry he bought me on his dresser.

Eric didn't say a word when he came in to the bedroom. I wasn't sure if expected to see me.

"You love me?" I broke the silence. I hoped that he would smile knowing it's a question he constantly asked me. He just locked his lips and stared at me.

"Yeah." He said reluctantly.

"Eric I love you so much..."

"Ok." He interrupted me.

"...and I wouldn't want to be with out you. But Eric I can't have this baby. I have an appointment for a surgical abor..." Eric turned around before I could finish my sentence.

"Eric!" My voice boomed through the empty apartment.

"What!" He snapped as soon as we got to the kitchen. He slid his keys off the table obviously planning to leave.

"What do you want from me? There is nothing for me to say. Congratulations you have made your choice but I don't have to be happy about it." His words were like a knife in my heart.

"Baby." I walked up to him, touching his arm.

"Do not touch me." He snatched away from me.

"Say anything." I yelled as he tried to stop him from leaving.

"Something? Ok." He walked over to the counter placing his hand on it.

"I wish you never told me. I wish that you would have just got the abortion or did what ever without telling me. Then I wouldn't feel like I was in this alone!" He said at the top of his lungs. He looked at me like he didn't know who I was.

"It takes two for something like this to happen. It's not just your fault..."

"It doesn't seem like it." He cut me off, still yelling.

"You aren't the one who has to get the abo..."

"You don't either. You don't want the baby and this it what you want to do!" I had never seen him like this.

"I don't want to do this by myself but I don't want to have this baby." I said still trying to get him to stay.

"Why?" He asked.

"Why?" I asked him?

"Why don't you want to have the baby. You have already made your decision so you should be able to yell me why..."

"I..." I tried to speak.

"I can't. It's not a good time."

"It wasn't the best time when I uprooted myself life for the woman I loved. Is it because I own the company now? You had ample time to stop fucking me be for we fell in love with each other. You didn't have to come to New York, hell it could have been a one time thing!" He dried his eyes.

"Don't say that!" I yelled back.

"It's the truth. You know what I'm out man. I'll see you." He shook head head and continued walking.

"See me when? Tomorrow is the abortion." I asked genuinely confused.

"Do you want me there? Do you think I want to hold your hand while they... It's not my baby." He said as if he had it all figured out.

"Why would you say that?" I yelled at him as he continued to take shots at me.

"That's the only reason I could think of. The only reason you would be doing this to me."

"Of course it would be yours. This can't be the end of us." I cut him off knowing that he was about to get graphic.

"I can't even look at you."  He got hisself together.

"What does this mean for us?"

"You need to figure out what you want. I'm not talking about this shit with you right now." His eyes began to water before he left the apartment.

"What does this mean?" If he wanted me to leave he would have kicked my ass out. I decided to make it easy on him and take the majority of my things. I made sure to leave anything he purchased for me. I called my little brother to let him know I was my way.

"We are done. I don't see this shit work if only one of us is willing to give. It's not an ultimatum, it's the truth. I can't do this, the relationship or what ever this is would crumble. I have already made it about me and that's selfish" he threw his hands up.

•••

After spending some time in his place, I realized that He wasn't coming back. I gathered what I could and went to pick up Aden.
•
"How did it go? Did you tell him about the apartment?" Rin tried to keep his voice down as he walked to the car.

"I think it's over. I'll call you tomorrow." I didn't want to talk about what happened at the apartment.

"Who is going to drive you home tomorrow?" He asked knowing that I would need someone. I informed him that I would have Jaimie  drive me. She knew I had an appointment but not what kind. Rin strapped Aden in and walked to the passenger side window after closing the door.

"Are you ok?" He asked. I shook my head.

"You are not ok." He replied.

"I'm single."

"Single? Did he kick you out?" He asked now holding on to the door so I wouldn't drive away.

"I left. I may have fucked up. He respectfully told me that he couldn't do it if I went through with it." I respected him for being honest.