I Told the Stars about You

Chapter 15 - Counter clockwise

Or how you looked at me.

The words replay in my mind at 2am. So, Rose must have seen something in my eyes. The yearning. The hunger. The need for her. Closer. Her skin against mine. Her taste on my lips. Her hair, tangled in my fist. Her neck, bare, turned to a side as my lips-

My hand finds its way to my face, pushing at the corners of my eyes in frustration. I keep thinking about her words. I try to weigh them down, analyse their meaning, but every time I get close to understanding what's really going on in her life, I lose my grip on her. I lose my grip on reality.

There's a knock on my window pane. Startled, I make my way towards it, leaving my covers half off the bed.

"Ash" That voice, again.

"Ash, come on. You should already be ready" I frown at the hazel-eyed girl sitting in the space between my window's double glazing. It's raining outside again.

"How would I be ready? What are you doing here? How the hell do you even know where I live?" My voice is demanding, as a lame attempt to hide the heartbeat crashing in my chest. For once, I'm scared of seeing her. I'm scared of how she ruined the comfort I shared with Rose. I'm scared of how she makes me question what I'm feeling.

"It doesn't matter"  She gestures outside impatiently. "Come on"

"Where are we even going?"

"We're going somewhere to talk. I had a fight with a friend and I want to talk to you about it" There's something about the way she says it that makes me comply. Something about the loneliness, as if, had I not just obeyed, she may have not asked anyone again. I climb out of the window, landing awkwardly, remembering it had been a while since I'd last done this.

***

The first thing that happens when we sit down on the edge of the cliff is a hug. It's long, and tight, and it gives me enough time to inhale her soft scent. Home. When she pulls away, it's not because she doesn't want the physical contact, it's to look at me in my eyes.

"Asher" Her voice is so frail, and she's shaking but trying to hide it, grasping onto my fingers to hold onto something. Her eyes well up.

"What happened?" 

The Hazel-eyed girl looks around and kicks her feet over the drop of the cliff. 

"Rose. I told you about her. Being my best friend and all." She swallows audibly "And I told you about Jason. And the-" A strangled cry leaves her lips.

"You don't have to tell me any of this, It's fine-"

"No!" It's as if she grasps onto anger to avoid falling into the hollowness that is sadness "No, it's not fine. That's the issue. It isn't fine. Nothing he did was- I"

I look into the trees, out onto the ocean, then at the stars in the sky- attempting to find something to share the burden of this knowledge, of all the things Jason puts Rose through. 

"Rose used to have less money than she does now. Her parents both worked full time, her father as a surgical assistant and her mother, Dianne, as a neurosurgeon. That's how her parents met"

The hazel-eyed girl sighs sadly "One day, many years later when Rose was 11, after the lack of sleep from two days straight, her mother made a major mistake when operating on this young girl. The girl- she" She clenches her jaw "She was diagnosed with cerebral death, she was brain dead. And her mother had seen occurrences like this one happen before, and she'd dealt with them. But on this occasion, when Dianne walked out to discuss the consequences of her actions with the girl's parents, she realised who they were."