I Told the Stars about You

Chapter 25: Emergency (Rose's POV)

Rose POV

I'm sitting on the pavement of a parking lot. The pavement is damp from a summer shower that must have fallen a couple of hours ago. You'd think it looks quite depressing, if you were driving around late at night, to see an 18 year old girl stranded in a parking lot next to an old diner. I wouldn't blame them. I bet I look depressing.
I feel depressed.
It's my birthday today. I don't think I've got off the best start. But, then again, I'm two hours in. It could get better.
Even I don't believe that.

It's very cold but I haven't bothered putting Ash's sweatshirt on. It's discarded on the damp concrete, the water slowly soaking the material and turning the white a light brown color from the mud. He gave it to me last night, after we were together. After he memorized every inch of my skin and made me feel alive. The minute he fell asleep, I peeled myself from his warm arms, slipped on my dress and run out into the cold. Somehow, I made it back here.

I can't stand to smell him. I'm scared if I do, I'll want to run back to my house and cuddle up next to him. I'm scared I'll believe every word he tells me. That he'll keep me safe. That he loves me. I'm scared I'll fall for it.

The diner is empty. It's 2am, after all, and I don't think many people want an oily steak and chips and 2am. I'd kill for some black coffee though, because I really don't want to sleep. Anything is better than the prospect of dreaming of him. The nightmares keep getting worse. It sometimes feels like he's haunting me. He's not ever around that often, he even changed classes in order to keep his agreement with Ash safe. It's funny how Jason keeps any promise he makes with others, but he never stayed true to the ones he made with me. It feels like some sort of twisted game God decided to play with me to make me suffer.

I look up at the cloudy sky, the clouds muffling any light that could drift through from the cosmos.

"You've won, God" I whisper.

Then I drag my knees up to my face and lean my head against them. I don't notice until I feel the dampness through my dress that tears are streaming down my face.

I cry because it's never been with anyone else. I've never shared my body with anyone a part from Jason. I don't know how to process how wrong everything was with Jason when I compare it to how it was last night with Ash. The care, the tenderness, the constant reassurance. I think of the difference before too, the conversations and the laughter and the easy smiles.

I've never had that before.

As I muffle my cries, I realise with an aching pain, that I'd never felt what it was truly like to be cared for, in the most basic way, until I met Ash.

And I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know what to do with the love inside me.

Because I know pain, I'm familiar with it. It's my comfort.
Instead, happiness, love, support, being put first, is like stepping into uncharted territory. There must be thousands of rules that need to be kept in order to maintain a relationship with a guy like Ash. A guy as stunning, and kind, and hopeful, and strong as Ash.

I'm never going to deserve him.

I look up to see an older couple walking into the diner. They must have parked their car in the other end of the parking lot, so I didn't hear them drive in. All the tourists drive in the wrong way. I look at them, assessing their appearance. They seem to have just come back from a night out and have a long drive ahead of them. The woman is wearing high heels and a thin cardigan that's better suited for the desert than this weather. Then again, I'm wearing a summer dress, so I can't judge.
There's a child's seat on the back seat of the car, but no child is sitting inside.
That kid must be at home, or with a babysitter. It makes me think of what it's like to be alone for weeks at a time while my parents are traveling for work.
They won't be home for another week. Four weeks for the preparation and carrying out of an important operation.