I Told the Stars about You

Chapter 17: Constellations in her eyes

A/N: At the end of the chapter you've got a mental health checkpoint <3

"So, you knew?" I stare at Gale, my mother, trying to make out an answer between her confused expression. I look, I look and yet-

Nothing.

I see absolutely nothing.

I sigh in defeat, try again: "You knew that I took Cassie's favourite book? You knew I looked through her things, didn't you?"

"Yes, I knew, Ash"

Finally, something to go on. I open the fridge door, more forcefully than I intended, grabbed a cold bottle of water. Gulped it down in one go.

"And you didn't- I don't know" I say sarcastically "Think that maybe it would be a good idea to tell me? Maybe, just maybe, to mention that you thought it was slightly weird that I-"

"Ash..." Mum tries to get up, to put one of her hands on my shoulder.

"-that I was seeing things that I was seeing my dead sister?" Her hand makes her way to her thin hair.

"Asher, don't speak like that about Cassie"

"Like what, Mum? Like she's dead? She is, okay? I'm done beating around the bush. Cassie's dead. She has been for the past 7 months. She killed herself. And we all played a part in it, but its what she wanted and I'm choosing to accept that" I take a deep, hopefully energising breath that will get me through the conversation "I get it now. I just desperately want to know why you made me figure it out all on my own. Why did you, Mum?" My sharp voice cuts through the kitchen. "Why did you make me go through this on my own?"

Mum sits back down, combing her hair with her hands patiently. "I didn't want to. I want you to know that. I didn't want you to suffer on your own. You just seemed so put together in relation to me, and it reminded me-" A sharp inhale "It reminded me of your father. And how little he cared when Cassie died-"

"Killed herself, Mum" I correct, "Cassiopeia killed herself"

Gale swallows audibly, tries again "When Cassie killed herself, your father was simply mad. Mad because he wasn't going to be supported by the money he was hoping to receive from her and, he was upset at his loss of control in life. He had his life planned out to the minute, all while using others to achieve his own gains. But I'm not one to judge. I've been doing therapy, Ash"

I can't retain my laugh "You? Therapy? Who talked you into that one?"

She grins at me "Well I thought I should. For you. And for me. To be a better mother because these past 7 months- I know. I know how hard it must have been on you to look after yourself with me like..." Mum lets out a shaky breath "Seeing me where I was with alcohol and I've gone to the doctors and I'm getting medical help too."

Looking up from where she was fiddling with her hands, she attempts a weak smile. Before I know it, my arms are wrapped around her in a massive hug.

"Asher-" A laugh "I love this but- do you think you could let go a bit, I can't really breathe" Her laughter sounds melodic and kind, and she holds on tightly to me as I loosen my hold on her.

"I guess now I'm just going to be cooking for you while you're doing your final exams- as a starter to rectify my mistakes. We all know the way to your heart is through your stomach" She pats it for emphasis, muttering under her breath something about my abs being impossible to sustain with the amount I eat. "How does an Eggs Benedict sound for breakfast tomorrow?"

"An Eggs Benedict?" My smile reaches my eyes, my laughter resonating loudly in the warm kitchen "I see what you're doing here. You're trying to get me to pick your favourite meals so you can cook what you like. Well. I'm not falling for it. So, I'm expecting a big stack of blueberry pancakes or- at least- crepes with sugar and lemon?"