Kaz Brekker imagines

Back to Where it Started

{part one}

Childhood friends are special. You share daydreams, and observe life together in such an innocence that's almost rare. You get to experience life together, make mistakes and memories along the way so that one day you can look back and laugh together. Childhood friends are lucky. So why did Y/N feel like they weren't so lucky?

Looking back, Kaz came to terms that there wasn't anything he could do to save Jordie. To save his parents. But he knew that it was his fault Y/N left, and went back to the countryside. Who knew greed and spite would be his downfall?

~

Inej crawled in through the open window only to see Kaz hunched over his desk with a letter in hand. She stood there for a moment watching him run his hand through his hair and mutter to himself, before she decided to make her presence known. "Who's the letter from, Kaz?" He didn't look up at her as he sighed, "You need to start using the door."

He glanced up with slightly red eyes and was met with a sharp look from her. "It's from an... Old friend. She sends me letters every now and then to update me on how she's managing." Inej nodded slowly and sat down in the chair across his desk, "So why do you look like you're going to be sick?" She watched him tuck the letter into one of his desk drawers. "It's nothing. I'm fine. I'm going to need you to make one extra trip-"

"Kaz, I thought we got past this. You can talk to me, that's what friends are for right? I'm here to listen, something's bothering you. I've never seen you like this before. You look so... So distressed." He stood up, walked to the sink and stared at his reflection. She was right. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red and he looked sickly pale. "My own reflection is making me sick. I don't know who I am anymore, and every time I get a letter from her I'm reminded of who I was before. And I just know I'll never be the same. I didn't ask for this kind of pain, but it's taken over and made me this cold hearted monster. What would she think of me if she saw who I've become?"

Inej stared at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw. He finally opened up.

After a small moment Inej spoke up, "You miss her don't you? Your friend?" A slight nod is all she received. "Then go see her." This time he shook his head and turned around. "I can't do that. I just told you why I can't." A sigh slipped through her lips, "Kaz... You need to go and see her, because in the end you always need to go back to the people who were there in the beginning. And if she truly cares about you then she'll understand. She won't judge you, because she does remember who you were before. She's going to say how much she missed you and she's going to be a shoulder to lean on. Trust me on this, Kaz. Go visit her."

A borderline soft look passed over his face before he straightened up again, "I don't know where she lives now." Inej glared at him, "Kaz Brekker, I know you of all people know exactly where she is. Go to her."

~

Kaz wanted so badly to turn around and head back to the Slat, but he decided it'd be best to listen to Inej. So the next day he found himself on a train headed back home. Home. He hasn't been back since they left, and he wasn't planning on going back. But here he was, sitting on a train heading back to the place where he grew up. The place that held more memories that he'd like to forget, but he couldn't forget all the memories. Running through the fields, watching the clouds float by, stargazing way past their bedtime and being caught by his mother. He missed the way things were so simple when they were young. The only thing that mattered was being back home in time for dinner and remembering not to track mud into the house.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the screech on the train wheels slowing to a stop. He picked up his small travel case and made his way off the train. Once he got off, he froze. He was home. The crisp fresh air carried the subtle scent of grain from the wheat fields. Not a tall building in site, and green grass along with tall wheat stocks covered the land as far as the eye could see. He didn't realize how much he missed this view. He snapped out of his trance and kept walking.

Inej was right, he knew exactly where she was. How could he not? He remembers her talking his ear off about one day buying the big house with a huge front porch and large windows. It wasn't far from the train station, so she could watch people come and go.

What was happening to him? He was a crime boss. The Bastard of the Barrel. Drityhands. And just like a flip of a switch, he was being sentimental, nostalgic? But he assumed that's what happens after 10 plus years of that kind of life. He knew he was so lost and empty, he just couldn't figure out how to fix himself.

Once he got to the end of the dirt road he saw the light blue house with large front windows and a big porch. As he walked up to it he noticed the chipping paint, the flower beds sitting on the window sills, and rocking chairs swaying with the breeze. He took a deep breath as he walked up the front steps. He smiled to himself softly as he heard music being played from inside. He raised his hand and knocked on the door sharply with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes when he heard the music stop and the door click open.

Both adults froze where they stood as they stared at each other. Y/N looked up into the pair of familiar dark brown eyes with confusion clouding her own, before a look of realization passed over them.

Her head tilted to the side ever-so slightly, "Kaz?"