Kaz Brekker imagines

All I Would've Asked

Let this be our lesson in love

Let this be the way we remember us

I don't wanna be curel or vicious

And I ain't asking for forgiveness

~

I don't need your honesty

It's already in your eyes

And I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me

No one knows me like you do

And since you're the only one that matters

Tell me who do I run to?

Physical affection was something Y/N craved on a daily basis, especially since she grew up in a cold house. People told her she should be grateful for her upbringing. Large house, maids to cook and clean, if she wanted anything all she had to do was mention it once and it was her's. But if you asked her she would tell you that if she could trade it all for hugs and kisses, cuddles and being tucked into bed each night, she would in a heartbeat. She envied those kids who would walk hand in hand with their parents, who would get a hug goodbye before they ran off to play with their friends. She's never experienced love through physical affection.

~

"We can't keep doing this. You know that." Kaz muttered as he kept his eyes glued to his desk. Y/N sat still in her chair, her eyes beginning to look like glass.

When she started dating Kaz she knew she wouldn't be able to get what she needed. She knew he couldn't give that to her, not yet. And she was okay with that. She truly loved him, so she was willing to wait. But she had to admit, not being able to be held when she was sad, or just comforted when she needed it most hurt her. She couldn't blame him, because she knew what she signed up for.

She nodded, "Okay." Her voice was so quiet, Kaz barely heard her. He watched her ring her fingers together to tightly her knuckles turned white. Her eyes danced from book to book on the shelf beside her. He held his composure, but his heart hurt. He did love her, They've been side by side for so long, he couldn't see himself with anyone else. But he wasn't meant to be with anyone. It killed him to see her in need but he couldn't do anything to help her. He couldn't hold her, or whisper comforting words in her ear. What good was he for her? She needed everything he couldn't give her and they both knew that.

Y/N cleared her throat, "I'll be, um... Heading to my room now." She stood up and walked to the door. "Good night Kaz."

Once she was in her bed, the tears fell down the sides of her face. "If this was my last night with you, I wish you held me like I was more than just a friend." A sob slipped from her lips, "I wish you gave me a memory I could use, 'cause it mattered how this ended. What if I never love again?" She turned on her side and hugged her pillow to her chest. "But that'd be asking too much from you..." She tried to quiet her cries. "That's all I would've asked though."