Kaz Brekker imagines

He Lost His Girl

Two years of precious moments and memories.

They were utterly in love with each other.

They would go to the ends of the earth for each other, not that they would tell the other.

They were perfect for each other.

But lately small fights and arguments have been happening more and more.

Y/N tried to move past them but it only got harder and harder the more frequent they happened.

She never said anything out of turn or crossed a line, until Kaz started pulling away from her.

He didn't spend time with her. He wouldn't make the first move to talk with her.

She couldn't pinpoint the moment where he just... Stopped.

But Y/N has had enough of it. She couldn't keep giving without getting anything in return.

She couldn't take it any more.

She needed to address this.

Just two days ago she got a letter saying that her mother died. She re-read it a few times and after each her heart ached more.

And on top of that, Kaz made no move or showed any sign that he noticed her distress. He hadn't even said a word to her in the last three days.

And now all she felt was anger.

How could he not be there for her? How could he just abandon her at a time where she needed him most.

She sought out his comfort for days but came face to face with nothing...

~*~

Knocking on his door she waited for a response, shifting her weight between feet and playing with the ring her mother gave her...

A subtle 'come in' was heard through the wooden door.

She walked in and sat down in her chair across from him at his desk.

She cleared her throat but he didn't even acknowledge her.

She sighed, "What's this between us?"

His hand stopped it's writing, but he still didn't meet her eyes.

He shuffled some papers around his desk before he picked one up, eyes scanning over it. "What do you mean?"

Y/N cracked her knuckles, trying to stay calm "What I mean is why have you been avoiding me? Have I said something, did I do something that upset you so much you push me away for weeks now."

He stood up and walked to a bookshelf, running his fingers along the spines until he found the one he was looking for. "Nothing is different. You're fine and I'm fine. That's all that matters."

At these words she snapped. She stood up so abruptly her chair slid back a bit, "What do you mean I'm fine! You haven't even asked me how I've been in two weeks, Kaz!"

She moved to stand directly in front of him next to the bookshelf. "You know I got a letter two days ago? Do you know what it said?"

He shook his head, eyes slightly widened as he's never seen her this angry. At least with her anger directed at him.

"The letter said that my mother died. Three days ago my mother died. You know who was there when I got the news? Who was there to comfort me? No one. You know who should've been there? You." She pointed her finger at him and poked his chest.

Kaz watched her as all her walls came crumbling down.

Tears streamed down her face as she finally let all her bottled emotions out.

He knew what he was doing but he couldn't help as he started pulling away from her.

He knew she deserved better.

He knew that he wasn't enough for her.

She should be able to live a happy life and he knew he couldn't give that to her.

But he couldn't lose her.

He was selfish that way.

But now seeing her like this made him think that he messed up. He might just lose her anyway... "I'm sorry..."

She huffed and rolled her eyes, taking a few steps back, "I don't want your apology. The fact of the matter is that you weren't there when I needed you most. My boyfriend wasn't there when I needed his comfort..."

She looked up at him, waiting for a response. He only watched her not making a move to say anything. "Kaz... I need you to say something. I'm so sick and tired of just giving and not getting any of my time back..."

She ran her hands through her hair, "Kaz... I really want to stay... But I need you to give me something, anything. Just tell me that you need me just as bad as I need you. Say something... Or I'm leaving, Kaz. If it's not you, nothing is holding me here."

He just stared at her.

He had a thousand words on the tip of his tongue but held them back.

If he didn't say anything then she would leave.

If she left, yes it would kill him, but at least she would have her freedom.

She can live that amazing, happy life she deserves.

So instead of opening his mouth he shook his head slowly, trying to hold back the tears prickling his eyes.

She let out a watery laugh and shook her head while wiping her eyes.

She shook her head and started walking towards the door, "Goodbye, Kaz."

And with that she closed the door behind her and ran down to her room.

As closed the door Kaz cursed.

He threw the book that was in his hand and sat down in his chair, holding his head in his hands.

Kaz Brekker never showed his emotions, let alone cried.

But as he tried to hold himself together, he couldn't help the sob that ripped through his throat as he cried into his hands.

~*~

Early the next morning Y/N caught a boat leaving Ketterdam.

She stood on the side leaning over to look at the water, she kept looking towards the dock, part of her hoping to see the familiar head of jet black hair perfectly styled.

As time ticked on the boat left the dock, Y/N looked back one last time as a few tears trailed down her cheeks.

She shook her head sadly and watched the water below her.

But unknown to her, Kaz was there.

He stood in the shadows watching her one last time before she sailed out of his life for good.

He felt a single tear leave the corner of his eye which he wiped away quickly.

He straightened up and fixed his coat as he turned his back on the water and walked back to the Crow Club.

And as the club came into view only one thought was on his mind.

He lost his girl.