Lovelanguage: Baking

Chapter 9 - Opening Up

I'm so relieved he slept long enough for me to finish everything! I had such a blast preparing everything. I don't know, what makes preparing food for someone else so different from doing it for myself, but this was just so much more rewarding and fun. And on top of that I don't need to feel so guilty about sleeping here on the first day we met, just because I didn't check the trains in time, because I was able to give back a little. Especially now that I know that he spend the night sleeping in a bathroom?! I should've protested more and made him sleep in his own bed, but I was so tired and it looked so comfy! And I really must've been tired, otherwise there's no way I could've slept with make-up still on my face. During the day, with all of the stuff surrounding me and happening I usually manage to ignore the feeling of make-up on my face, but with the lights turned off there's usually not a chance, but I went to sleep right after plugging in my phone. While Grocery Shopping this morning I got a spare package of make-up remover, but when I wanted to use it I just got really insecure about my skin and Nathan seeing me without make-up in the morning. I don't have bad skin and I don't think Nathan is superficial or cares about those things, so I don't really understand why I couldn't bring myself to remove it. But now that I think about it, I really really want to whipe it off. Maybe after breakfast. I hope he's happy about the breakfast. He's crying, but he also looks happy. I hope I didn't make too much food... he just had such a big appetite yesterday evening, I didn't want to make too little. Maybe he's happy about the tasty food and the thought behind the breakfast, but hurt because the portion I prepared for him makes him insecure about this weight? I'm sure he's had some bad experiences and he doesn't know that I think he looks perfect the way he is or that I'm not one of those people judging others because of their bodies. How do I assure him it's okay?

Julie carefully whispered: "Is... Is the breakfast okay like this?" she felt kind of nervous, that she didn't think her little surprise through enough. Nathan turned around with a big smile and teary eyes.

"OKAY??? This breakfast is... PERFECT!" He wrapped her into warm hug, which made her so happy she felt like she was flying. Then he quickly pulled away. Too quickly.

"I'm sooo glad that you like it! I was worried there for a second!"

"Are you kidding? You put in so much work! For me? I mean... why? Nobody has... I mean, I don't... How do I... deserve this?"

Julie couldn't believe, he thought he didn't deserve this.

"Are you kidding me??? First you safe me from being alone on my first day of College, then you let me into your house while I was lost, because I was overwhelmed by a new trainride, then you gave me a whole evening of your time, and made it such a lovely time... eventhough I should rather say I stole an evening from you, because you didn't have much of a choice I guess. Then you made me feel comfortable enough to eat in front of you, which is a big deal for me! Then you trusted me enough to let me into your room, use your PC and then you let me sleep in your house, in YOUR BED even, while you were sleeping in the upstairs bathroom??? You've been so kind to me and if I can do anything to say thank you I will!"

Nathan closed his eyes and violently shook his head while hearing this.

"No, are YOU kidding me?! You didn't avoid me, or rather my entire row, like everyone else did! You were kind, talked to me and didn't ignore me in disgust like everyone else, then you even shared your perfect, priceless home baking with me! Then when luck brought you into my street you pulled me out of a really dark, emotional place, with your smile and your beauty and your appreciation! You didn't judge me for the state I was in when you stumbled upon me! You didn't barf when my fat gut hung out of that way too small T-Shirt half the evening, you didn't judge my broken home, my messy room, you didn't even look at me weirdly, for shoving all your baking down my throat, too greedy to think of you and not even for the state of my kitchen when you must've seen it this morning! You've just tolerated me with these open arms and so much acceptance! You've hugged me without showing any signs of judgement, eventhough I'm so sorry for how that must've felt. I hadn't hugged anyone since the funeral! You bought me Pizza, now groceries and you prepared this picture perfect breakfast! You're PERFECT! And I have to thank YOU! For gifting me the best evening of my life! I honestly don't know how you got through that and look me into the eyes with so much kindness and say that you had a lovely evening?!"