Lovelanguage: Baking

Chapter 15 - Beautiful

Julie's heart was beating fast and hard in her chest. She felt anxious and calm at the same time. Anxious because it felt like the seconds after she spoke those words were longer than any seconds she had ever experienced. Anxious because she had just realized very few minutes prior that she might have her very first crush ever and she didn't know what to do about that realization yet. Anxious because her hands touching the skin of his face, suddenly felt too intense, but because all these thoughts were happening at once, it felt like the intent to remove them arrived at her hands in extreme slow motion. Anxious because she didn't know how he felt about her and if she might've just risked losing the first and only friend she's ever had, if he got mad at her for making it potentially romantic or if he was having these feelings he just described so passionately, if he was having a crush on someone else. But also calm because she knew, that what she said was the truth. Calm because it felt right and like exactly the right moment. Calm because it was so necessary for someone to tell him how beautiful he actually was. She even felt a little honoured, that she got to be the one to tell him.

"Wha...? How...? Do...? Nnn... Wha...?" Nathan blinked and tried to form words, that potentially sounded like he was trying to ask "what?" amongst other things, so Julie repeated, with as much calmness in her voice as she could muster.

"You are beautiful."

Nathan shook his head violently. His whole body reacted to her words and he basically jumped back, ending the closeness between their faces, which made Julie take a deep breath, as if she'd forgotten to breathe beforehand. Nathans voice was shaky when he asked:

"Are you making fun of me?" he sounded so nervous and broken, if almost ripped Julies heart out of her chest.

"No no no, I'm not!" She answered quickly. "Do you prefer the word handsome?"

Nathan now started pacing across the room, his arms closely slung across his figure.

"You actually mean it!" He looked incredibly happy, but also like he was about to start crying in a sad and scared way. "But how can you think that? How can you look at me and think this is beautiful? How can you not see me clearly?" Nathan gestured with his arms to himself and Julie felt herself blushing a little, not knowing how to react and scared by his voice getting louder. "I can't allow myself to believe you! What do you see in me? How can you like me, when everyone else is running away from me, like I'm a dark pit of sadness, ready to infect anyone that gets too close. Why are you even spending time with me? What's wrong with you?"

Nathan spouted these questions while walking and facing away from her, but the last question hit Julie like a brick. She had been asked that so many times. Her body started shaking and she lost control over her facial expression and just started ugly sobbing. Nathan turned around in an instant. He rushed over to her, kneeling in front of her, while she was still sitting on the couch. He gently touched her leg to balance himself while hastily saying:

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry Julie!" He leaned back and held his head "Aah, I destroyed it! I messed it all up!" Then he added a little quieter, with a softer tone, leaning towards her again: "Julie, you're so kind to me and those were the kindest words anyone has said to me! And I was so sure that nobody would ever call me beautiful, I convinced myself that I would never find someone who could like me or love me or even tolerate me. But then you came along and just completely proved me wrong! You always behaved differently than I expected, treated me differently than anyone else and you please need to know how thankful I am for you okay? You are the kindest, most beautiful, accepting, interesting and just the best person I've ever met! And I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I was just confused and overwhelmed with emotions, but you need to know that I was never and could never be mad at you okay? And I really want to say... thank you!"