Lovelanguage: Baking

Chapter 16 - Only Us

Nathan felt like he was about to explode. He closed his eyes just feeling Julie's Lips on his, her entire being so close to him. He still felt her hair between his fingers. But most of all he felt this rush. He felt so alive and happy and surprised. So many times he had imagined himself in this situation, kissing a woman, that gives him butterflies, just thinking about her and Julie is so much better than anyone he could've ever imagined. But everytime he started to think about moments like this in the past, he always stopped himself, prepared himself for the reality, that he's never going to be in a situation like this, that anything other than loneliness just didn't make sense for him. It had always been so painful to shut down that hope in order to prepare himself for reality. But Julie just didn't follow his logic or expectations. And now he had just kissed not just any beautiful girl, he kissed Julie!

He was shaking a little, while taking a little step back. It didn't feel real yet. But as his feelings didn't know what to do from here, a flood of thoughts rushed back into his brain after it completely shut off just a moment ago.

What does that mean for us now? Does Julie have feelings for me? CAN she have romantic feelings for me? I mean, I guess she told me she could potentially have a crush on anyone, is just not sexually attracted to people... so does she have a crush on ME? I know she said, she thinks I'm beautiful, but I can't really imagine her thinking romantically about me... how would that even work? It's so easy for me, imagining dates looking at her... like her, sitting on a picnic blanket near a lake with a little flower in her hair. Or Julie, in some fancy bar, a cocktail in her hands, in a pretty summer dress laughing... it's impossible not to fall for her just imagining those scenarios... but I don't even want to think about her perspective if she had to be in these situations with me. Did she maybe just kiss me to prove to me that she actually doesn't find me disgusting, or did she pity my low self esteem so much that she did it to prove to me that someone could have a crush on me? Is she going to regret the kiss???

Julie standing in front of him, also looked like she was deep in thought, until she seemingly subconsciously muttered:

"Mmmh... that was interesting..."

Interesting??? She didn't sound as joyful as I felt... This was my first kiss ever. I have no idea what I did! Did I do it wrong? Did I kiss weird?!? I feel like I can't even remember the situation anymore, I just completely blanked? What did I do that was so interesting?

With a shaky voice Nathan asked:

"Interesting... like bad?"

"What?" Julie blinked a few times, like she needed to wake up from some thoughts.

"Oh...! Nonono, it wasn't bad, don't worry, you did great! It's just..."

Nathans heartbeat was hard and fast, but not in a good way now.

"It's just...?"

Julie shook her head:

"Oh I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to think out loud. It's just a me problem, I'm so sorry, I'm weird! It's just that people talk so much about kissing and movies hype it up so much and I'm so frustrated with myself, because I couldn't shut off my thoughts for that one chance I get at having a first kiss you know? Like of course that's the exact moment, that my brain had to think about how weird it must be for someone like an alien to see or think about humans kissing and why we're doing it and because I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself; now you're worried if you did a bad job, eventhough you did absolutely fantastic! Or you're worried what that means for my feelings for you or something like that... And I don't even know how you feel about me and I feel like I kissed you and I hope it wasn't uncomfortable for you and I don't want to ruin our friendship and I... I..."

Julie gasped for air and Nathan was a little bit lost on what to do with these informations.

Julie started rubbing her knuckles together and pacing around her living room, while muttering how sorry she is. Nathan felt like he needed to say anything... something...

"If it helps... I liked our kiss...?"

Julies eyes started glowing again as she turned to look at him:

"Really?" She gave him a beaming smile.

"Yes, of course!" Nathan said softly. "But if you didn't like it, we don't have to do it again of course..."

"No... I don't know... I just maybe want another chance to feel during it, not think, to not be anxious, to just feel, does that make sense?" The look she gave him made Nathans knees feel weak, but he still did a little step over to her, took her face into his chubby hands and kissed her again, as careful and soft as he could. Just a quick kiss, but with as much feeling as he could put into it. And this kiss left a relaxed and happy smile on her face until she kissed him back, a little longer and a little more passionately. Afterwards there was the hugest smile on her face:

"Yes, yes, yes!" She chanted, while she did a little happy dance. Grinning widely, with a joking undertone she added: 

"I think I get it now! I want to thank you very much for your patience with me, while I needed a second try." Nathan couldn't do anything else than grin back: 

"Glad to be of service milady! I hope the results of your experiments were insightful." 

With a change in tone she replied: "You're so much more than an experiment to me!" and kissed him on his scarred cheek, which felt surprisingly intense to him. She went into the kitchen and came back out seconds later with two Fanta bottles and sat down on the couch, putting one down onto the table for him, where he took a seat. She looked very serious all of a sudden.

"Soo... I guess we just did all that huh?" Nathan nodded.

"I... I think I made it pretty obvious today, that I think you're attractive and that I really like you. And I can promise you that wasn't my plan for today! I didn't have a plan actually... But up until we had that whole talk about crushes and how they feel and how one recognizes if they have one... I didn't even realize I might..." She paused for a while.

"I didn't realize that I maybe... have a crush on... you. And then after that whole heated debate about looks and the kiss happened.... I guess what I'm trying to say is: I think I made my feelings towards you pretty clear, without meaning to and I just really really don't want that to make things weird between us, especially because I don't really know how you feel about me, or if there is someone else for you maybe or if you... I don't know, I just wanted to know how you feel and if you want to go back to the way things were before, we can totally do that, there's no pressure on you in any way and I hope I didn't overstep any boundries and..." Julie just kind of left that sentence hanging.

Now he understood why she had been so nervous and serious before asking this, since he now felt all of these nerves.

"Oh I... really like you too! And I want to be with you and talking to you and experiencing stuff with you as much as possible, not just during lectures and I... And there's nobody else, you are... I feel so honoured that you like me and..." He felt like he did an aweful Job putting his actual feelings into words, but it was enough to put a big smile back on Julies lips.

"Cool!" she said while nodding and doing a cheers-motion with her bottle.

"Cool" He answered while raising his bottle back at her. Until both started laughing off all of the pressure they had felt about the situation.