Lovelanguage: Baking

Chapter 6 - Hide or show yourself

WHY? Why do I always do this? Why am I like this? Why is my body like this? The ONE time I'm with a person who isn't appalled by me I PROMPTLY, like IMMIDIETLY afterwards go on and make myself look like a complete glutton in front of her! WHY? Because I didn't want to cry in front of her? That would've been the way better choice to be honest. But it isn't a choice. I don't have any self control, THERE, THAT'S IT! Why did I have to ruin this for me? I didn't feel lonely for once and... OH SHIT! She didn't have ONE of them! The entire day? It was still the same number of cookies as this morning at least. What time is it right now? 8pm already... and she hasn't eaten the entire day? She must be starving and just had to witness me devouring them all in front of her. Not even appreciating them enough, because I was so emotional. I'm so selfish to not even let her have one. If she isn't disgusted by the sight she just had to witness, than she HAS to be of the character I've shown with that. I can't believe I thought about myself 'being a hero' earlier. I ruined it all.

Nathan broke down. His big body shaken by waves of tears coming out. Slowly sitting down in front of the door of the bathroom he had locked himself into. After a few minutes he heard a careful knock on the door. "Nathan?" Julie's voice sounded so soft and worried. It made him sob even more.

"I'm sorry if that's a dumb question, but are you okay? I hope I didn't use anything in the baking that you're allergic against or something?" Nathan was quiet for a second. Now confusion was his primary emotion... which was better than sadness, embarrassment and panic at least? "Uhm, no..?" his voice was shaky.

"Oh okay, that's a relief" she laughed nervously. "...so can I do anything for you? That includes leaving by the way if you want me to, I completely understand. I also like to be alone while dealing with emotions."

"No, please don't leave!" Nathan responded quickly. He stood up onto his shaky legs, drank a little sip of water out of the sink, wiped away his tears and opened the door. There she stood, looking up at him with these beautiful big eyes, filled with worry and not a hint of judgment. He wrapped his arms around her into a hug. She stiffened for a second, but then she relaxed and stroked his back. Her touch felt so good. So comforting. Her skin was nice, soft and cold as if to cool his heated emotions. He hadn't been this close to another human since he was a child and that thought made him start to cry again, but she just continued stroking his back. He pressed out the words: "I'm... so sorry! And thank you!"

Suddenly a thought shot through his head. He was currently forcing her to be this close to his massive body, feel all his rolls, he was sweating from crying. Quickly he pulled back. But to his relief she just looked mildly confused. So he wiped away his tears again and breathed and out in deeply. "I'm so sorry"

Julie disagreed: "There's nothing to be sorry about! Dealing with emotions is hard and you're doing a great Job, don't worry! I'm just sorry if I've upset you in some way."

"No no, you've been perfect! I'm just so relieved that you didn't run out after... Oh and I'm also so sorry that you didn't get any of the cupcakes! They must've been so much work and you must be so hungry. I've been aweful and I..."

Julie shook her head again: "I wouldn't have eaten any of them anyways." That took him by surprise again. "Why?"

"Oh I just can't eat in front of other people... it's scary you know?"

Together the two of them walked back to the dining room. Seeing the empty boxes still stung him with guilt. But he put them to the side now sitting in across the table from her, without anything else in between. He looked at her, worried. She was pale and very thin of course, but did she look weaker than this morning? "Is it okay for me to ask when the last time you've eaten something was?"