Lovelanguage: Baking

Chapter 17 - Stay

The rest of the day and evening the two of them joked and chatted as if nothing happened. But when the Sun started to set Julie felt the effects of refusing to eat the pasta earlier. She felt a lot calmer now, eventhough the situation still felt a little weird, now that it had a romantic component sometimes. But she felt more confident being near Nathan, now that she knew he had feelings towards her. So she stood up and declared:

"I'm hungry, I'm going to make myself some chicken with rice and peanut butter I think. Do you want some too?"

The growling of his stomach when she mentioned Peanut Butter was answer enough for her and she smiled at him softly, turning around and walking into the kitchen. He followed her:

"Wait... So first of all, that sounds very tasty, but..."

He paused and the cheeks of his gorgeous, round face turned red and he nervously fidgeted with his shirt.

"So I know you said, that you think I'm beautiful... I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. But are you actually okay with my body like this? I mean if we ever were seen outside together... which we don't need to do by the way, I totally understand if this is in private but you don't want to be seen with me in public or anything. But if we're together now... do you need or want me do go on a diet? Or are you actually okay with me, eating more now, when you just saw me devour the entire pasta earlier, not leaving anything for you, because I wasn't thinking and couldn't hold myself back?"

Nathan talking about his body and eating habits like that made Julie's heart flutter. Why is it stuff like this that makes me so attracted to him? Like that's not normal stuff to be attracted to right? Not that normal was a word I'd ever describe myself with... but still, this was an interesting level even for me. But I know a few things for certain: I'm attracted to Nathan's personality, how easy it is for me to talk to him, how I never feel judged in his presence, how he makes so much effort to make me feel comfortable, safe and respect my boundaries and is just so supportive. And he's so cute when he shares his insecurities with me and show's me how he trusts me. But I'm also attracted to his looks. His body, his softness, his rolls, the way he enjoys food, especially my food, his chubby hands and face. And even his acne scars, which seem to be a point of insecurity for him, I just love them, they're so handsome like freckles or they're like a hundred dimples all over his face, they give his face so much personality. I wouldn't change anything about him and the thought of him being on a diet... I don't like the way that makes me feel or imagining it...

"Yes, when I said you're beautiful I meant all of you! Inside and out, including your body!" Especially your body, is what I would've said if I we're totally honest, but I don't want him to feel objectified or anything. "You'd never have to go on a diet for me, or say no to tasty stuff, I love the way you smile when you eat something tasty, especially if I made it. I always feel so honoured and appreciated you know? Oh and most importantly: Don't ever think I'd be ashamed to be with you, no matter where we are, understood? I'm incredibly proud that you're my friend... and... maybe more? And no social anxiety or anything is ever changing that!"

The thought of people staring at them in public did actually make her feel a little anxious. She didn't like attention from strangers at all, most days. But the thought of being there with Nathan improved the feeling about this imaginary situation immensely. He brought her a sense of safety. But even if she wouldn't feel good in the real situation, she promised herself she wouldn't show it one bit, as he should never feel like he's someone to be ashamed of. On top of that, the thought of people noticing the contrast between their body types was kind of exciting to her. Okay... I keep having thoughts like this... I really need to do some soul searching, when I have a quiet minute alone.

Nathan looked at her with big eyes, touched by what she said. She smiled and absent-mindedly continued to cut the chicken into little stripes and cook it.