Poems?Short Writings?

Self Sabotage

We destroy the things we fear
Some of us are afraid of love
Because it leaves the heart open to breaking
It makes us vulnerable
Exposes us to all the ugly things we try and avoid
We are afraid that it might destroy us
So some of us decide to destroy it instead.
That is what self sabotage is ...
We cause pain to ourselves and to our partner proactively, to protect us from any possibility...

Yet I have a good thing so why try to ruin it ?
Why try to break it down to little pieces , why break down the one person that only wants to love me into little pieces ? How cruel ...
I'm so cruel ...
I promised to love you with every word with every touch and here we are, in an endless loop we can't seem to get away from .

This self sabotage that I seem to be doing constantly, is something you don't deserve , you need better and I know you see it too . I'm truly sorry from the deepest parts of me . I don't mean to break your heart I just don't know what im feeling , I have no clue what to think. And that's only causing you pain and that's never what I wanted ...

I don't want to find out that the love of my life was always you when it's too late , my life would truly end if that every happened , I know I have to figure things out but the constant heartbreak I'm bringing to you makes tears run down my face but I know it doesn't come close to the tears you've shed so I won't sit here asking for pity cause there isn't any to spare, I want what's best for you so if my self sabotage has lead you away from me forever I'll respect that, because I now know I can't have everything in life but I know you can , and if that's not me then I hope your life is much brighter ...