The Way We Feel

Advice from a friend

The next day in the firehouse, Eddie was tired. Mentally and Physically. He’d kept thinking about telling Buck how he felt, but he never actually did it. He started to. But he’d changed his mind quickly. He started to tell him so many times. But he gave up. He figured, “sure he’s into boys too, but there’s no way he’s into me.” He was just sitting on the couch thinking to himself when Buck walked in. He seemed happy. Guess he’s got another date today. He thought dimly. 

Despite himself, he looked up at Buck and smiled, “You’re in a good mood today.” 

“I had a good night, Eddie.”

Eddie wondered if he was referring to the time they spent together or if something else had happened. “Did you? What made it so good?”

Buck smiled and laughed a little. “Just getting to spend time with you was good enough,” Buck said, glancing up at him. Eddie felt himself fluster lightly but ignored it. “But then, I got a call. It was from someone, a friend, in Texas. He’s coming up here for a few days. Which means we’ll get to see each other.”

“Who is it?”

“Tk and Carlos.” 

“Oh they’re pretty cool. That should be fun.” 

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“Well, anyway you said you enjoyed spending time with me last night? We didn’t even hardly talk that much.”

Buck laughed. “Just,” I like being around you, I like you, Eddie. You make me happy. “I enjoy your company, Eddie.” 

“You do?” Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe, just maybe we could be something more than friends. 

“Yea. You’re a great friend Eddie.” 

Eddie sighed and looked at the ground again. Of course. I’m just a friend to him. Nothing else. God, you’ve to stop thinking about him like this. You really do. 

“Excuse me.” Eddie said as he got up and walked downstairs. “Hen? Hen, are you here?"

“Depends, who’s asking?” Hen asked, leaning against the wall. 

“Can I talk to you? I just, I’m confused.”
 
“Of course we can talk. What is it?” 

“It's about Buck. Or Ana, or my lovelife. I’m so confused about everything.” 

"Ok." Hen sighed. "Let's talk." 

Eddie leaned up against the wall. "I think I like him. A lot. And, a lot more than a friend. He means so much more to me than that. But, I’m just so afraid that he doesn’t feel the same way. What if I tell him and he says he doesn’t feel the same way and then we just don’t talk anymore. And my kid loves him. I really don’t wanna lose him.”

Hen sighed and laughed quietly to herself. “That really is a lot Eddie. The best advice I can give you is to talk to him about it. Tell him you don’t want it to make things difficult between you two, but you wanted to tell him.” 

“What about Ana? I just, I don’t think I have feelings for her anymore. I just, she doesn’t mean that much to me anymore.” 

“Just tell her that. Tell her you don’t love her anymore.” 

“But I don’t want to hurt her, Hen.” 

“Sometimes there isn’t any other choice. But, it's up to you.”

Eddie sighed and nodded solemnly. Then he pushed himself off the wall and walked back upstairs. 

Buck was sitting on the couch watching tv but he quickly turned his attention to Eddie. 

"Hey uh, hey Eddie." Eddie glanced at Buck, and smiled at him, "What is it, Buck?" 

"You wanna go out and drink tonight? Most of the firehouse is going, and it'll be fun."

Eddie sighed. "You know what, why not? I don't have anything better to do." Buck's face lit up instantly, "Cool. I'll uh, I'll see you there then." 

The day went by slowly. There were hardly any calls and when there were they were boring. It felt like it took forever but, finally they made it to the end of the day. 

Eddie walked into the locker room and started unbuttoning his shirt. He sighed and stretched his arms as he pulled the shirt off. It only took him a few minutes and he was changed and ready to go. "Buck!" He yelled. "Buck, you ready?!" Buck came running down the stairs. "Yea, I'm ready. Let's go." Eddie laughed at the blonde and grabbed his keys. 

After a few minutes of driving, they'd arrived at the bar. They were the last ones to arrive, so they looked around to see where everyone had sat down. Once they spotted the rest of the firehouse they went and sat down. "Took you guys long enough." Bobby said playfully. "Well, I had to change. And then I had no idea where Buck was."  Bobby laughed, "Calm down, I'm just playing around. You guys want a beer?" He asked. Eddie nodded and Bobby slid then a beer each. 

They were talking and playing around for hours. But they had been drinking heavily the whole time. Eddie reached for his 6th beer and tilted it upwards, drinking the last of it. He looked over at Buck and realized he had no idea how much he'd drank. Buck stood up and asked, "Are you up for a game of pool?" 
"Anytime." Buck smiled mischeavously and grabbed the sticks and gathered the balls.