The Way We Feel

Giving Up and Giving In

The team went out on a call dealing with a structure fire. They rushed in ss quickly as possible, bringing people out running back in. It was  matter of minutes before they had everyone out.

Atleast they thought they did.

A woman who appeared to be in her mid 30s walked up to Buck who, of course was standing next to Eddie. "My daughter, where is she?!" You could hear the panic in her voice snd Buck and Eddie looked at her.

"Cap! Someone is still in there!" Eddie yelled.

Bobby looked st Eddie, then at the building  "It's not safe to go back in. The building could colapse any minute now. I'm sorry. Stand down."

"But-"

"-Thats an order Diaz."

And Eddie knew he'd been defeated. He sighed and looked at the woman shaking his head, "I'm so sorry. I wish I could help."

The woman looked at him, confused. "But, he already went in?" She said gesturing to a shadow in the flames.

"Buck-" Eddie said under his breath. "Buck no! Come back!" But he knew it was pointless. Even if Buck did hear him he wasn't going to stop until he had that girl.

Bobby tried to radio Buck, but he never answered. The building crept closer to collapsing every second Buck was inside.

Just when it seemed like all hope was lost, out walked a little girl, wearing an oxygen mask. She quickly ran up to her mom and wrapped her closely in a hug.

Eddie was happy for her, of course. But she'd walked out and Buck hadn't. "Cap- Cap he's still in there-!"

Bobby looked at Eddie and ran over to him, because he knew what he was going to try and do. And he caught him just before he tried to run in after Buck.

"Please! Let me go! He's still in there! He's still there! I can save him! Please!"

Bobby held onto him tightly, his grip never faultering. "I'm sorry kid. I can't let you go in there." And that was all he said, because truth be told, he knew the odds of Buck walking out were slim. And he didn't want to lie to Eddie.

Hen walked over to the two of them and asked where Buck was as the building finally gave way. It collapsed to the ground and Eddie felt everything he knew fall with that building.

"No, no, no, no, no! No! He's still there! He's still in there! No!" He screamed, falling onto his knees. Eddie felt the tears rolling down his cheeks but didn't see reason to stop them anymore. He knew Buck wasn't coming out. But he wanted him to desperately. He wanted to look up and see him walk out. But it wasn't going to happen. Eddie let his head fall into his hands. "Damn it Buck." Was all he could manage.

"I'm sorry Eddie." Bobby said.

"I should be the one in there, cap. That should be me, not him."

"I'm sure he thinks the opposite."

Eddie was blinded by the tears falling to the ground. He knew he needed to get up, but he just couldn't. Because if Buck didn't come out, what'd he have to live for?

         Buck looked around but it was pointless. He couldn't see amything. He felt something sticky under his head and reached to see what it was. It wss thick and sticky and warm, he concluded quickly that it was blood. And there was a lot of it. He felt dizzy and it was hard to breathe. He'd been yelling for what felt like hours until he finallt gave up. His radio was broken and he couldn't move. Something was preventing him from sitting up. "I'm sorry Eddie. Now I won't be able to see you again. I'm sorry. So, sorry." He said even knowing damn well that he was only talking to himself. "Please! I don't wanna die!! Please!! Somebody pull me out! Please!" He screamed, but it was pointless, no one could hear him. He let the tears roll down his cheek. Its been a hell of a life that I lived. He wished he'd spent more of it with Eddie but, he hadn't and that was alright now What the hell are you thinking? You can't give up. He loves you, and you love him. But he didn't have much fight left. He was loosing feeling in his legs and it was getting harder to breath. He closed his eyes, giving up and giving in.

Eddie sat outside the building for hours waiting for Buck to come outside. He was denying that he didn't make it. He refused to believe Buck gave up. But after long endless hours, he got up and walked back to his truck, driving home.

Eddie walked inside and practically fell onto the couch. He let his head fall between his knees and didn't try to stop the tears thst followed. "Damnit. Damnit Buck! That should've been me! It should've been me! Damnit!" He yelled. He felt his phone buzz, signaling a text message and he checked it quickly, hoping it could possibly be him. It was Maddie. And she wasn't texting, she was calling. Eddie answered the call quickly, "What is it?"