Rule as Equals (Meant to Be My Balance #2)

Chapter 7

For the past three days, a Healer checked on me every hour, unfailingly. My imagination didn't have to take me far to understand her dedication and the likely threats wavering over her punctuality.

For the most part, I tried not to think about it. Her. Him. The baby. I didn't know what to call this creature of ours, strong enough to tear reality and force its reshaping. Aleksander once murmured while I was having cramps, maybe expecting I wouldn't hear, that it was a little fighter just like its mom.

There were other moments like that—when I was in the bath and my hand would trace my flat stomach as if naturally attracted to life, searching for it. I took each step with more caution, aware of the baby even as I told myself I almost forgot it existed. My lack of summoning was the worst part of it all. I spoke to a Grisha mother who said her own experiences with summoning were similar. She could still manage easy summoning, but the loss was a common phenomenon when the children were strong summoners and seemed to siphon off the Grisha powers of the mother just like they siphoned off the mother's other resources.

That was fun to know.

But every time I tried to feel resentment or anger, it faded in an instant, overtaken by a strong need to protect. I even tried drudging up some reason to be mad at Aleksander, to blame him for this, but I knew it wasn't his fault in the least. If fault was even to be had.

Because I was starting to love this baby.

I kept imagining a girl with Aleksander's wide gray eyes or a boy with his jet-black hair. I remembered the tender way Aleksander held me at night, his palm resting flat against my stomach as his thumb rubbed soothing circles.

He had always been attentive, always caring, but he could force himself to put me to the side of his mind and prioritize his duties as King. That was long-gone. He didn't take meetings anymore unless they were less than ten minutes because he wouldn't leave my side for one second and he didn't want me taking stress (or giving any to the baby) if I heard what was going on.

I argued with him, sure. I told him I needed space and privacy, that I should be involved in the war efforts too. But secretly, I was glad, and Aleksander knew it. I needed his company like a lifeline and the war was the last thing I wanted to think about, let alone try to fix. I kept thinking of the war following the amplifier incidents, ruminating about my mistakes in Fjerda. It wasn't until this baby that I realized how foolish I'd been, how many mistakes I'd made. How Aleksander was right... I had so much more to learn. I was seeing everything in a new light now.

"From the apple orchard at Tomikanya," Aleksander said, closing the door behind him as he extended a tray of apple tarts, the pastry golden and fresh, the apples sweet. When I'd wolfed down two at breakfast, ignoring everything else in my plate, Aleksander made a point to get the best apple tarts in all of Ravka.

I said that much effort wasn't necessary, but he only retorted, with a sly smile, "Our child is hungry."

I craved Aleksander's touch like a lifeline, especially when the cramps came, which was often. They were more than just pressure against my stomach though because every time I closed my eyes, the pain was a sharp tear in reality centering from the spot at my stomach. Aleksander's strong fingers would massage the pain away, rubbing into the skin until the skin at my stomach was pleasantly warm and my muscles had relaxed. He'd kiss his way up my navel until he reached my neck, then my lips, drowning me in the taste of him against my mouth: dark, sweet, and hot. Fervent and needy, passionate and gut-wrenching. He not once kissed me like he didn't mean it. Not when he was mad at me, not when he was giving me a peck before dinner. Every single time, he made sure I knew just how much I meant to him.

My whole world, he whispered, one hand on my stomach, his lips against mine. Sometimes, I caught him looking at me with unabashed fear—that he wasn't a good husband, that he wouldn't be a good father. I just pulled him closer and held him against me, and that moment we fit together, all our doubts were erased like they had never even existed.