Rule as Equals (Meant to Be My Balance #2)

Chapter 19

"We don't have to," Aleksander whispered, hovering over me. I was panting, flushed, naked against the sheets as Aleksander ran his hand up and down my hip, his eyes falling to my lips—lower.

And Saints was I scared. I knew what could very well happen, no matter how much tea I was drinking. But the one time, the one time, everything in the world finally felt right was when Aleksander and I were buried together, interconnected like never before, our bodies pressed together, breaths synchronized, hearts racing against in the silence of the night. I needed him like I needed air to breathe, and selfish as it was, I couldn't deny myself.

The barest of nods was all I gave Aleksander, but he had already known my answer from the look in my eyes. Needy and self-loathing, but certain. So when his lips met mine, his hand tightening on my waist as he pressed against me, he pushed in.

I gasped to Aleksander's deep groan, the low curse that escaped his mouth as he moved his lips from mine to my neck. He stayed still for a moment, soaking in the feeling of me. It had been so long—too long. My eyes were stinging, my hips moving desperately despite Aleksander's insistence to remain still.

"You feel so good," he said, the words hardly discernible through his heavy breaths and choked voice.

I thought I needed him fast and hard, forcing me into an excruciating bliss, but when my husband moved slowly, lovingly, each thrust purposeful, his eyes locked on mine, I knew I hadn't needed sex. I'd needed him. Him to love me, to care for me, to remind me that joy—completion—was real.

"I need you, Saints, Aleksander, I need you so badly." My eyes squeezed shut as he moved in me, his breaths fanning across my neck, my chest, his hand tightening as if he needed to cling to me to make sure that nothing would shift, that nothing would change.

"You and me, Alina. For all of eternity." The words so low I could barely hear them as he brought us both to completion at once, wrapped around each other physically, but our souls forever bound.

***

I offered Genya a tight smile, leaning against her doorway. She had gotten a new rug. Was it a month old? Two? I wouldn't know, because I had been a terrible friend.

"Alina!" She was surprised to see me, and her smile was wide, but I could see the guardedness in her eyes. "Come in."

I stepped inside, looking for any new additions, any new things in my best friend's life that I had missed out on.

"How are you feeling?" she asked quickly. She was already reaching for her kit, pulling out the white powder she used to conceal the bags under my eyes. Some things never changed, thank the Saints.

Her fingers were cool against my skin, her smile tight as she adjusted this and that. "I've missed you," I managed to say.

"I wanted to give you space." The response was too quick, practically rehearsed.

I nodded as if I understood, but a moment later, I regretted trying to placate her. I wanted honesty from my best friend. "What's going on, Genya? The truth this time."

She sighed, setting her fingers down as she finished her Tailoring. "Honestly, Alina? I was still trying to figure out what was happening between you and your husband and... and your pregnancy. And I believed you when you said you wanted the baby but... I don't know, I think your pregnancy made it all real. Your relationship with him. It's silly, isn't it?"

"It's not silly, Genya," I said softly. "And I am sorry. I know my husband has been... difficult. But I didn't' realize you still felt so strongly about him. Do you... do you hate him, for what he did to you?" I knew I couldn't blame her if she said yes.