Rule as Equals (Meant to Be My Balance #2)

Chapter 21

In a movement so fast I barely processed it, Aleksander used the Cut and the bodies of every foreign man on the skiff rolled.

Was it because of his anger? His overwhelming worry? Or was he still thinking logically, knowing no foreign country could get word of my pregnancy? Probably a combination of all three, but I wasn't in any state to piece it all together anyway.

"Turn the skiff back. Now," he ordered, his voice that of a monsters even though his hands on me were gentle.

In seconds, shadows wrapped around me, a warm blanket concealing us from the public as Aleksander held me close to his chest, his hands rubbing comfortingly onto my arms. "It's okay, the pain will pass. We're going home, Alina. We're going home." His voice cracked at the word home.

But I didn't care about the pain. Another baby. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through it again. Nine months of fear only to give way to a lifetime of worry. It was hard enough to love Aleksander, to worry about what our future would hold if anything ever happened to him.

But he was strong. Invincible. Constant. Our baby would be just like our first son—vulnerable.

"I know, Alina. I know," he said, reading the reluctance in my eyes.

We had gone through a lifetime of pain. Still, a year later, I woke up to the sound of the phantom echo of my son's gut-wrenching cries.

"I can't do this again, how am I supposed to protect them again," I cried, clinging to his kefta. Another cramp wracked my body, shaking me in his arms as I sobbed.

"I failed you, Alina, but it won't happen again." Tears dripped from his gray eyes, down his sharp cheeks and onto me. I felt the sting of every single one on my cheek.

The skiff came to a stop and Aleksander kept those shadows around us as he walked off the skiff with me in his arms. He shifted, pulling me vertical and asking me to wrap myself around him. My legs went around his waist, my arms around his neck as I clung to him.

He held me with one arm and his other lifted in the air and cut across the sky. The rest of the otkazats'ya crew fell with a wet thump.

I shook against him and he whispered comforting words into my ear, holding me more securely against him as he took me off the boat and spoke to one of the men, vaguely mentioning Nikolai and flying. Our position was hidden from everyone else passing by, but I could feel the man's eyes on my back, watching nervously.

He answered, explaining something, probably a location. I couldn't process much as another cramp shot through me, making me feel like throwing up. I resisted the urge and clung tighter to Aleksander.

"Soldier," he called back as the man made to move.

"Yes?" he asked, and I could hear the nervousness in his voice.

"You should know that looking at my wife like that is a death sentence."

It was silent, but I could practically hear the man swallow. "My apologies, moi soverenyi."

"Don't," I whispered, reading his mind. "There's been enough death. Please."

Aleksander tightened his arm around me, dismissing the man and guiding me onto a horse. He got up behind me, pulling my arms around his waist. I leaned fully against him.

A baby. Again. Another child. A boy or a girl, this time? Would they fall to the same fate as their brother?

No. No, I wouldn't let that happen again. I would kill myself first.

"Hold on," my husband mumbled. I didn't miss the shadows that rose around him, still clouding us from sight. I didn't know if he was doing it on purpose or whether his anger had given way to lacking control of his powers. I knew he would never stay mad at me, but I couldn't help but compare his reaction now to his one the last time I was pregnant. Beneath all the worry had been pure joy. But now... now his body only gave way to tension, to stress and uncertainty.

He stopped the horse when we were far past the tree line. His breaths were heavy and his hands were tight around the reigns of the horse. My cramps had mostly passed and a deep exhaustion weighed me against him, my eyes watering up again and again. I tried to cover up my sniffles, but Aleksander had heard, his whole body tensing beneath mine.

He dismounted, then turned to me, unable to look me in the eye. His gaze was still focused on my neck, watching me breathe in and out heavily because I couldn't even manage breathing right anymore. Then, he slid his hands up my thighs to my waist, lifting me off the horse and into his arms. He didn't set me down, and I let my body mold to his, my legs back around him, arms around his neck as he cradled my front to his.

"Do you feel okay?" he whispered, the words a raspy croak.

"As okay as you would think." Not okay at all, Aleksander. Not okay at all.

He held me against him and began walking, further down the slope, until he reached a door in the ground. I waited for him to put me down, but he didn't. He went down that ladder with me wrapped around his waist and didn't say a word of complaint.

When we reached the underground cellar: concrete grounds, a rusted metal kind of smell, he supported me with one hand and used the other to tip my chin up.

"I need you to be stronger than me, Alina," he whispered.

My smile was weak, my eyes watery. "I was going to ask you for the same."

"I'll lay down my life before I let any harm come to either of you."

"I know." But he would never get that choice. He hadn't last time.

Aleksander kept leading me down, then back up a ladder where we finally found the sleek new flying contraption Nikolai and his team has been working on.

"It's too soon. He—he would still be a baby, less than a year old if—if—"

I'd gone through wars and never lost my ability to speak. In fact, everyone had relied on me to get in front of a crowd and scream our battle cries. Now, I couldn't even get a sentence out.

"My selfless Alina."

"My selfless Aleksander," I protested, just considering our current position.

He smiled, the movement dark. "I'm selfish beyond belief, Alina. I'm selfish because I should be mourning, I should be distraught like I know you are. But all I can think of is you, my pregnant wife, and the baby that we'll have together. Because we will have it. Do you understand? I'll stop at nothing to protect the two of you."

"My selfless Aleksander," I murmured again, my eyes trailing across my husband's face.