Rule as Equals (Meant to Be My Balance #2)

Chapter 24

"Nik," I breathed out, my eyes watering when that hazel gaze met mine, his golden hair shining as I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning into him completely, needing the stability of his solid chest and the warmth of his arms around me.

But the second Nikolai's body met mine, something pulled me back from the collar of my kefta. I pouted, feeling somewhat like a dog pulled by its collar, even if the chest I was falling into was even more solid and welcoming than Nikolai's. His hands, however, were nothing short of possessive, wrapping around my waist and holding me to him.

"Pee on me while you're at it," I grumbled at my husband.

His answering chuckle told me I was in for some sort of punishment tonight.

Nikolai, now used to this, only exclaimed, "You're fat!"

This time, when I struggled against Aleksander's iron arms, he let go easily, reading my intentions with a cocky grin. I slapped Nikolai''s shoulder, wishing I could summon so that I could blind the stupid bastard for a few seconds (and hopefully give him a headache).

"I'm three months pregnant, asshole." I slapped the side of his head, and he grinned.

"This aggressive version of you is a huge turn on, sunshine."

Aleksander growled. "That's enough."

The only thing that kept Nikolai standing was the fact that Aleksander pulled me back into him, his grip around me even tighter.

"Pregnancy hormones, am I right?" Nikolai whispered to my husband.

"I'm right here, you know?" I tried kicking him, but he stepped just out of reach.

I expected Aleksander to come to my defense, but instead, when I looked up at him, he was shrugging at Nikolai in agreement.

"I want Genya; both of you are driving me to pull my hair out." I pressed my hand to my stomach, looking down. "Please be a girl. I can't deal with a mini-version of your father."

"How silly of you to think something as arbitrary as gender will stop my child from driving their mother mad." Aleksander was smiling, pressing his lips to the top of my head.

Last time, by this time, Aleksander had been convinced our baby was a boy. This time, neither of us was truly sure, something that annoyed my husband to no end. Not knowing things did that to him.

When Nikolai reached the palace steps, one of the few guards pulled him aside for a search.

"Really, Darkling?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

I turned to look at the commotion. "You're kidding. He's the last person who would hurt me."

Aleksander looked to the sky, as if wondering how he was placed in a room full of idiots. "That's if he's not someone else tailored to look like your sobachka. Or if he hasn't been blackmailed or threatened. Maybe there's a bomb under his coat right now, so no, Alina. I'm not kidding."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't hide my laugh when Nikolai let out a girlish scream behind me. Aleksander's eyes were light with humor, and I figured, maybe he was finally starting to warm up to the golden prince.

***

I was in the garden alone, something Aleksander hated. He said being out in the open made me a target, but reminding him how absolutely empty the palace was—and promising to take the only surveillance guards on the property—calmed him down a little bit.

I was sitting in the grass, my knees pulled up to my chest as I stared out at the water. It was hard to see the Palace so empty, this bustling garden abandoned, weeds growing from lack of care. I had told Aleksander we had to do something to maintain the upkeep of the Palace, but he argued that if the Palace could be rebuilt after dozens of wars, it could handle a few weeds and some dust. But I always somehow got my way, or at the very least a compromise, and he had agreed we could wait in the safe room while the staff came down and spent a day restoring everything to its prime condition.

"You don't look as sickly today," Nikolai said from behind me, making himself comfortable on the grass.

I smiled at him, surprised by his company, but glad for it. "You really make a woman feel special."

He winked. "It's a natural talent."

For a few moments, we sat in silence, basking in each other's company as we stared out at the lake. Nikolai and I had a unique sort of friendship, a companionship from having too much burden far too early. So did Aleksander, but he was five-hundred years old and an arrogant know-it-all, so he didn't count. With Nikolai, shared silence meant contemplation and tranquility, not an awkward tense pause like it did for many.

He had taught me so much—about diplomacy and humanity, war and struggle, from peace to hardship. He was one of my best friends, and he always would be.

"Are you okay, Alina?" he finally asked.

I knew what he was really asking. How are you coping with being pregnant again after what happened last year? I know your symptoms are worse this time; are you feeling okay? How has it been, dealing with Aleksander and the empty palace?

"I'm trying for her." A hand rested on my stomach.

"Her?" Nikolai asked.

"I'm not actually sure. Just a guess. 50/50 chance, right?" I smiled up at Nikolai and he offered a weak one in return.

"Do you think about him?" Nikolai didn't need to clarify.

I took a deep breath, then nodded. "Every day. I feel sick, and I remember him. I talk to the baby, and I remember him. I wonder about their gender, and I think of him. All the things I had bought and saved for him... the King destroyed them after, but I still think about it all."

He took my hand in his, squeezing. He was so steady. He always had been. Despite his chaos, despite his double persona as a privateer, despite his lightheartedness, he was the light at the end of the tunnel. I had once mistaken that stability for romance, for a future of love. But love—the romantic kind—had nothing to do with stability. Love grew from pain and hate, blossoming into a need so consuming, it swallowed you whole. It was fire every time Aleksander touched me, a hurricane every time his lips met mine. It was a bond so deeply rooted in the universe, it felt electric.

But to get through this, to think of my baby and maintain my sanity, I needed it all. Aleksander's passion, Genya's wisdom, and Nikolai's steadiness. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he held me close, even as tears silently ran down my face.

"When I think about him, I'm betraying this one. When I think about this one, I'm betraying him," I croaked out.

"They're your children, Alina. Both of them. You couldn't betray either one if you tried your hardest." I could hear the pained smile at the last sentence, the heavy breath he let out. "I'm glad I'm not married. Growing up and achieving life milestones? Sounds like torture."

I laughed, my eyes focusing on a fish moving in the water. "No women in your life then?"

He looked at me, narrowing his eyes. "You're a shit liar, Alina."

"It's not my fault that no one will shut up about you and Zoya kissing in your ship a few months ago! And don't try to lie to me, I know you and Zoya."

Nikolai finally pulled his eyes away, looking, for once, a little shy. "She's prioritizing her duties right now. As she always does."

"The Fjerda mission was always important to her," I said sympathetically.

"It's not just that, is it? She didn't say she'd come back after Fjerda. I don't know, Alina, sometimes I worry she'll just keep chasing the next mission, the next victory, without ever staying long enough to take care of herself."

I let out a sigh. "Sounds like Zoya."

A dark voice rasped, "Hands off. Either you move them or I cut them off, sobachka."

And with that, Aleksander's progress with Nikolai ended, and they went back to being enemies.