Rule as Equals (Meant to Be My Balance #2)

Chapter 10

Aleksander stiffened, his arm tightening around me as he looked at the messenger.

"I can't," he murmured. "I can't leave you, I can't."

And it would tear him apart to leave me alone like this. To not be right there if I needed him, if something else happened.

"Our people need you," I whispered, squeezing Aleksander's hand.

"Alina, you're my wife. You'll always come first."

"And as your wife, I'm telling you. You need to take care of this."

His eyes burned, his heart pounding against my head before I lifted it off his chest and squeezed his hand. "I'll be right here. They'll tell you if anything happens."

"Saints, I've never felt so weak," he whispered, but he was forcing himself out of bed, tightening his hold on my hand. "All my life, this has been all I wanted. A kingdom to rule, the ability to protect the Grisha, the power and skill to do anything..." His eyes lifted to meet mine. "A beautiful wife, hope for the future... for a family."

I took his face between my feverish palms. "And you'll have all of it. Every last thing. I promise."

He leaned in to kiss me, but I moved away and a vicious growl escaped him. "Still sick and gross," I reminded him.

"I don't care," he said, leaning in again, but my hand stayed on his chest, pushing him away as my features squished together. When it was clear I wasn't letting him anywhere near my mouth, he peppered kisses along my cheek, sighing into my skin before pulling away and forcing himself to tend to the hostage situation.

I sat in bed, worried, reaching for the bond. It flickered in and out, but the baby kept me from having full access to where Aleksander was and what he was doing. Nochi crawled onto the bed, and I ran my hand through her fur. I was surprised she hadn't followed Aleksander, but maybe she could tell I needed her comfort here more.

Genya came in for a while, insisting on fixing my pale skin and the redness around my eyes. I let her because I didn't know how to talk to her anymore.

"How's the baby?" she asked.

"The Healers can't be sure about anything right now. Fevers aren't good for the baby, but I'm only six weeks along. We're just going to wait and see."

"I've been asking around, just in case you changed your mind... If you don't want this baby—"

"Stop."

"It's a painless procedure—"

"Genya." Her eyes turned to me. "I'm not going to tell you again. This baby isn't going anywhere."

Maybe she didn't understand the motherly instinct inside me, the connection to this child. Not just the concept of something equally Aleksander and me, but something pure and innocent and beautiful to add to this harsh world. A child who I would love unconditionally, who would grow up calling the Grand Palace home. They would have a home, protection, safety. We would be a family. I had wanted it for so long, finding family only in Mal, then in my friends, then in my husband. But I would never know a mother's love, a father's care, the happiness of a single unit of people who would do anything for you. The connection of blood and love, an appeal stronger than any other.

This was my child. And I would protect him with my life.

"Okay, Alina," she acquiesced, but I could tell she didn't understand.

Months ago, I had left Aleksander because I didn't want a child. Now, I was pregnant and happy? Sure, it was confusing. But I wasn't Genya's helpless friend, a poor Sankta in need of protection. I was a queen in my own right, a wife, and soon, a mother.