The Monastery

Chapter 19: A Dead End

Susant slept before heading off in the early hours of the morning, and walked for a few hours before the path became significantly steeper. He could now see his warm breath on the air like a fog and was thankful for the red shawl. He thought of the old man as he walked, and feeling as if he were there with him, suddenly stopped and looked back.

Looking out over the valley, Susant noticed for the first time that the lake Ahles had brought him to at the base of Kailas was shaped like a crescent moon. Far away in the distance, he could see the forest he had found Ahles in, and the small stream wove out of it like a glistening ribbon.

Like a distant spec, he could see Kingdom. He was surprised when the first thing he felt wasn't sadness, but happiness. Just by closing his eyes, he could see his father in his workshop, with his glasses tilted on the end of his nose, his brow furrowed in concentration. He thought of the children in the orphanage, and smiled when he thought of telling them his story.

Rubbing his hands together to warm them, Susant froze when he saw his fingernails. As if by some magic, they had grown nearly a centimeter since he had left the lake. Feeling his heart begin to beat faster, he ran his hand through his hair, remembering the eerie words of his father when he had once spoken of Kailas.

Susant's eyes widened, feeling that his hair had grown nearly a full finger's length. He touched his hand to his face and felt the coming of a beard for the first time in his life. The wind picked up at that moment, and he turned back to face the mountain and the trail before him. It had only been a few hours since he had started climbing, and the realization was haunting.

"I hope and pray that I find the monastery soon, or perhaps I will be my father's age by the time I get there." Deep down, he pushed away the thoughts that the monastery may not exist at all, and held firmly to the words of the old man.

"I must believe."

Near the end of the first day, he found some semblance of shelter under some rocks and slept. Though, without Ahles nearby, his dreams became fearful, and were it not for the red shawl from the old man, he would have likely frozen to death.

The next day he contemplated going back, but continued up the mountain. He would often see a hawk flying over him. Even though the hawk relieved Susant of his loneliness, he couldn't help but feel that a hawk would not normally be flying in such an area, surrounded by the ever-increasing cold. Pushing the thoughts away, he chose to see the hawk as a friend with him on the mountain, and together they pushed through the chill.

After the second day, the sun became hidden by the clouds, and Susant's hopes were diminishing. His hands were constantly clenched, as if physically trying to hold onto his faith. But every other part of his being had nearly given up. Only a tiny fragment of himself still believed that the monastery existed, and that he would not die on the cliffs of Kailas.

The walk was long and wearisome, and his breath became heavy as he ascended higher and higher. The hawk could no longer be seen, and the howling wind had become his only companion. Up in the sky, the light of the sun would not come. That night, he watched a shooting star soar across the dark, and he felt a little warmth in what he chose to be a good omen.

By the third day, his lack of food and exhaustion had finally overtaken him. His hope was a fire extinguished, and he was now sure that the old man could not possibly have known what he was talking about. He began to feel more and more like a fool, and could sense the harsh reality of death peering over his shoulder.

Why would anyone have built a monastery up here in the bitter cold?

The path, rocky, jagged and uncertain, was seemingly leading nowhere, and Susant decided that if there was nothing around the next bend, he would forsake his journey and begin the trek back down. He had come. He had climbed. It wasn't his fault that there was nothing to be found. Despite the strangely warm shawl keeping his body alive, the cold was becoming too much to handle, and he feared the worst.