The Monastery

Chapter 27: The Vow

Susant spent the rest of the afternoon watching the monks in the main temple. The girl had unfortunately not returned, yet he was still hoping to see her again. He sat in the back as she had and carefully watched the monks, hoping to find anything that might help him in learning how to meditate. Yet after all his watching, the only thing that he truly found was that they just sat there in the same posture and did not move.

              Slightly frustrated upon feeling that he had learned nothing, Susant made his way to the gardens. He had eaten a good dinner and said good night to Jampa earlier than usual. Determined to make progress and learn more, Susant found his way to the tree he slept under every night. He had decided that he would try and meditate, that he would rid himself of his ego, and become patient like the monks.

              Taking a seat in the traditional posture, Susant brought his hands together and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he tried to relax, but his mind would not stop racing. He could not stop himself from feeling stupid, from doubting that everything he was doing was a gigantic waste of time.

              Why was he sitting here under this tree trying to meditate when he was stuck in this monastery anyway? Surely, he had not been brought here just to learn how to sit still. But being in the monastery left one with not a lot of choices. At the very least, it seemed apparent that he had been brought here to learn something from this place.

              If everyone here is training to become a Buddha, then maybe I . . .

              Feeling pain in his legs from sitting, Susant opened his eyes and stretched them out. He figured he had probably only sat for about fifteen minutes, a tiny fragment of time in comparison to the monks who could sit still for several hours.

              Frustration swam through his veins, and Susant decided that he would not try and meditate anymore that night. It had served him no purpose. It had brought him no peace, only anxiety and the swelling of thoughts in his head. The moment he had tried to sit down and be calm, the opposite had happened. It was in this way, and feeling more incapable than ever, that Susant leaned his back against the tree and gazed up at the stars. 

***

              Susant was awakened by the sound of someone breathing. Sitting up, Susant looked to his side. About ten feet over and sitting in the grass was the same young girl he had seen in the main temple. Feeling his heart flutter like the last time he had seen her, Susant stood to his feet, careful to rub the grass off his pants and from his shirt.

              The girl was sitting in the same meditation posture, but she was doing something different than everyone else he had seen. One at a time, she would raise a hand from her knee, making a circular motion up to her face with her elbow out. Susant watched as she pressed her middle finger to her nostril, then listened as she exhaled, her elbow slowly moving down toward her ribs.

              Curious as to what she was doing and thinking it might be something that could help him meditate, Susant walked over and sat down beside her.

              "Hello," said Susant. "I'm sorry to interrupt you—"

              "If you are sorry," said the girl, opening her eyes, "then why would you do it in the first place?"

              "I—ugh, well . . . that's a good point." He flushed red in the cheeks. "It's just that I've been having a hard time trying to meditate, and I saw you yesterday in the temple. Not that I was watching you, I mean, I was watching you, clearly, because . . . how else would I know you were meditating?" His words trailed off as he retreated from the grave he had begun digging.