The Monastery

Chapter 31: Purpose

Jampa watched Susant as he sat in the garden. His eyes were closed, and he hadn't moved for almost an hour. He could see a faint trembling in his legs, and he smiled for his friend. He didn't know what had happened to Susant the night before, only that, when he had come back with the medicine, Susant was already gone.

Jampa had been worried about Susant all night and into the morning. But now, seeing him in the garden, a different energy was enveloping his friend. He had overcome his pain and had decided to move forward. Glancing down at the ground, Jampa bent over and picked up another dark brown seed. "Ninety-one," he said softly, placing it in his pocket.

Susant sat through the burning pain tearing through his legs. He sat until he could no longer bear the pain, then sat for another minute, just to embrace the fire. He would take only small breaks between his sitting, just enough to let his muscles relax.

If I cannot sit for a long time without pain, then I will never be able to meditate. This is just mind over matter, and I have done it before in different ways, in times where I had to. What is the difference now? Only that it is easier to give up.

One day passed. Then another. By the third day, Susant could sit for four hours with little pain. The success felt good in his heart. It was a feeling that had been foreign to him so far in the monastery.

Susant took a long, deep breath, pondering his time in the monastery so far. What did he know? He knew he was destined to break one of the vows, that lightning upon the mountain seemed to have been a part of him, but what significance did that have to his journey, to his purpose?

Keeping his eyes closed, Susant did not notice as the sun crawled across the sky above him. He heard the faint chirping of birds around him, the sound of the wind in the trees, and felt the lushness of the grass against his bare feet.

Opening his eyes slowly, Susant felt as if he had slept for a week. The world was slow and brilliant; the sounds of the world were a thousand times more apparent than they ever were before. He smiled from his soul, having found one of the answers to his many questions.

It had felt strange to him that the only time he had ever seen dark clouds in the sky was the moment at which he had broken his vow. The thunder and lightning were violent, clashing across the sky with a hundred times the strength of a normal storm. But within it, he had felt a familiar energy.

I don't know why, thought Susant. But I feel as if the storm and my sickness were two sides of the same coin. It's as if the sky was a doorway into the pain of my spirit, the guilt I felt in my heart. It was the manifestation of my failure, the manifestation of my punishment.

But if this is true, then that would mean there is a way to somehow become one with the storms. So, would that mean that I connected to nature in such a way that it became a part of me? But how? Is that even possible?

Susant sat long into the night beneath his tree, never moving from his sitting position. He had not drunk water for half the day, though the thought of it had never came to him. Finally, he blinked, coming out of his trance. His legs were deeply aching and sore, his thirst quenched.

Trying to stand, he realized his feet were dead asleep. For a moment, he even thought that he may have kept the blood from them for too long and that they might never work again, but after a few minutes, he became able to wiggle his toes.

Breathing a great sigh of relief, Susant stood and stretched until he felt loose again. Then he walked over to the edge of the garden and stared out at the dark night sky.

I have decided, thought Susant.

I will try and call the lightning once again, but this time, with a different purpose.

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