Untold: Words Left Unsaid

focus

Have you ever cried about something you were so scared of losing? I felt that too. I realized that I was too scared of losing the people who meant so much to me. I feel like my existence has become meaningful because they added such colors in my life. However, I feel like they'll just fade away someday. I've no idea where this sadness comes from, but I've reached to a point wherein being happy can no longer make me happy because I have been thinking that maybe this kind of happiness that I have right now, will soon be gone. I feel like everything will be gone. Nothing will ever remain. I'm too shy to say how much I am grateful for my friends because there are times wherein I doubt myself if I am capable of having friends and if I truly am deserving of these people. It's really painful. It sucks very much to think that maybe you aren't enough for the people you love very much.

And in the middle of the night, I cry. I cry because of so many things that go into my head. Things that bother me. Things that scare me. Things that make me question my beliefs. Things that make me question my whole existence. It is just so suffocating. I've always been thinking that maybe I am and will never be enough. This has damaged me completely. It broke me into pieces. I just couldn't be me anymore. I was living in fear. I was no longer living for me. I was living for people and their expectations of me. That is why as I write this, I try to look back at how far I have come to reach this point right now. I may be happy sometimes, but there are still times or circumstances that make me just want to stop existing because I can barely smile anymore.

However, when I look at my friends and the people who genuinely love me, they make me want to exist simply because life is too short to give a damn about people's opinions of you. I may not be very good at handling people's opinions of me, but I guess I am slowly learning that sometimes it's okay to not tell everyone what's going on in your head and that it's perfectly fine to kind of just exist because there are so many things around us that we should appreciate rather than these negative thoughts we ponder of.

This I tell you, my dear, focus on what makes your soul shine. Focus on what makes you beautiful and do not worry too much about not being beautiful in the eyes of others because you are beautiful the way you are.