"Anak, let's go na!"
Nagmadali akong kuhanin ang blue baguette bag ko nang tawagin na ako ni Mommy sa baba. Paalis na kami ng bahay ngayon at papunta na sa airport. Nang makababa ay agad kong hinatak ang dalawa kong maleta para malagay na sa trunk ng kotse.
Habang nasa byahe ay hindi ko mapigilang hindi matulala sa kawalan, inaalala ang mga nangyari kagabi.
Everything happened so fast.
Pagkatapos kong aminin ang rason ko, mabilis ko ring iniwan si Ethan. I just ran off to the bathroom, and there, I bawled my eyes out. Nilabas ko lahat ng kaya kong iiyak. It was a very painful moment for me.
It was so painful, because I had to admit and say it outloud. That I don't know how to...love. How I just couldn't.
It might seem odd, but it is true. Simula pa lang noon, napansin ko na ang bagay na 'yon sa sarili ko. Sure, I've been into relationships. I liked a lot, I committed to a few, but I never loved.
Kahit ako hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit, pero hindi ko lang magawa talaga. It was something I started to hate about myself. Something I see as a flaw to my being. It was something that made it hard for me to keep looking for it.
For love.
Love in romantic relationships was something not for me, I eventually realized. But I couldn't fully accept it. Kaya kahit nakakawalang gana, pinipilit ko pa ring umasa nang umasa.
Na baka late lang talaga 'yong para sa 'kin. Baka hindi ko pa kasi nakikita, 'di ba? Twenty-two years of living isn't even that long enough. I could wait much longer.
Right?
Mabilis kong pinunasan ang kumawalang luha sa mata ko. Oh god, I look so stupid and pathetic! Ang hirap din pala talagang piliting maging positive palagi. Piliting kumbinsihin ang sarili mong magiging okay din lahat sa tamang panahon. Na isang pagsubok lang 'to na lilipas din... Pero, hanggang kailan?
Pakiramdam ko ay naka lutang lang ako sa buong byahe namin, saka lang ako natauhan nang tumigil kami sa Starbucks para mag drive-thru. Dad looked back at me from the shotgun seat, since bestfriend ni Dad ang naghatid sa amin.
He stared at me for a moment bago ako nginitian at tinanong ng gusto kong order-in.
I just ordered my go-to drink, caramel macchiato. Nang ma-claim na ito ay bumalik na ulit kami sa daan. Ngumiti ako nang makaramdam ng comfort galing sa kape. It is literally one of my best comforters in times like this.
Nang tumama ang tingin ko sa rear view mirror ay nakita kong nakangiti si Daddy sa akin, pinapanood ako. Just by seeing that smile, I knew he intended to really stop by the café, because he knew once again that I was not okay. He always did.
Hindi nagtagal ay dumating na kami sa airport. Naging mabilis na lang ang process bago kami naka sakay ng eroplano.
BINABASA MO ANG
Serenity in my Storm (GOAL DIGGERS SERIES #1)
RomanceGOAL DIGGERS SERIES #1 A three-month family summer vacation. A breather that Ezreah Janine Salcedo needs after being through a lot in her college days. The days when she almost lost hope of finding true love, since she never felt it from anybody eve...
