Her Name Was Summer

No Idea

I've been awake for the past hour but can't seem to pull myself out of bed. Andy is still snoring so I probably could roll out of bed without disturbing him, but part of me doesn't want to risk it. After we had sex last night we didn't talk, he just held me until I fell asleep, so I don't even know how to begin the conversation. Andy is my friend, and although the sex last night was fantastic, I just don't love him like that.

The snoring stopped and I immediately shut my eyes. I heard him clear his throat and then he lightly caressed my cheek. I opened my eyes as if I had just woken up, he smiled.

"I'm gonna go grab us some coffee and then we'll start looking at apartments when I get back." He said and I gave him a smile. He got up, put on a pair of jeans and a tshirt, and off he went.

As soon as I heard the door shut I jumped to my feet and threw on some clothes. I looked in the mirror and wiped away the mascara smeared across my face. I heard my phone go off and grabbed it at an instant. "I was just about to call you." I say.

"I guess I beat you to it, Blue." As soon as I heard his voice I looked at my phone screen, it was Jack. I take a deep breath, I thought it was Alex, I pause before saying...

"I'm sorry for bailing on our plans last night."

"No it's alright, friends come first sometimes, I get it. I was wondering if I could come by and talk to you in person, there's just so much I have to say." He asked.

"Oh I don't know Jack-"

He cuts me off, "Please Summer."

I sigh to myself, "Okay."

"I'll see you soon." He says quickly and hangs up.

I immediately try to put my hair up into a bun until I found hickies covering my neck. I grabbed my brush from my desk and tried to cover my neck with my hair. I threw on a shirt that I found on the floor and some sweatpants. I sprayed some perfume into the air, walked through it and ran over to the living room just as Andy was walking back in. He sat down on the couch next to me and handed me a coffee and a brown paper bag. I placed my coffee down and opened the paper bag, inside was a blueberry muffin, my favourite. My expression softened and Andy placed my laptop in his lap, he started searching for two bedroom apartments in the area.

I took a sip of my coffee before saying, "We didn't really get to talk last night after what happened."

Andy closed the laptop and turned to give me attention, "Last night was fun." He said and I nodded. "I haven't really been with anyone since the breakup, and the fact that it was you made it better."

"That's the thing, neither have I... and although it was great sex, I-" I was interrupted by a knock on the door.

He placed the laptop from his lap to mine, and got up to answer the door. "Jack, what a surprise!" He announced, letting him in.

There's a chance I might be dying from embarrassment. I had told Jack many times in the past that he shouldn't worry about Andy, and yet last night Andy and I did the devil's tango. It's all becoming overwhelming, I've involved myself with three men I've known for several years and it feels like it's all catching up with me, especially in this moment.

"Hey Andy." Jack acknowledged. "Do you think we could go for a walk Summer?" He asked and I nodded. I placed my laptop onto the coffee table, grabbed my coffee and followed Jack out the door, mouthing "sorry" to Andy as I closed the door.

Jack didn't begin to speak again until we got into the elevator, "How was your night?" He asked, which immediately put me on alert.

"It was good." I try to say calmly.

He goes to brush hair away from my face but I quickly stop his hand, "I'm sorry, I'm doing this all wrong."

"It's okay." I said as the elevator opened again. I took his hand and lead him to the park across the street, and we sat on a bench. "I don't think there's any fixing to be done here."

He takes my hands into his, "I don't agree Summer, we've loved each other since we were teenagers, we lived together for several years, we were practically engaged." He said.

I slipped my hands away, "We were once upon a time, but if I'm being honest I don't think that we've been in love with each other since high school. We broke up and everything changed, whether we wanted to admit it or not. We lost our trust in one another, which is why it was so easy for you to believe that I would cheat on you. We're the reason Alex and Lisa never got married, we messed that up. We had become so toxic for one another that we started ruining other peoples lives. I don't want that."

"I don't want that either. I want to regain your trust. Please Summer, you're the best thing to have happened to me." I could hear in his voice that he was starting to feel overwhelmed. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't get back together with him.

"I love you Jack, that is clear, but we can't keep doing this. I'm really sorry, but I can't go down that road with you. I'd like to be friends if that's possible, but I'm not putting our friends, you or me through it again. I'm sorry." I say and a tear rolls down my cheek.

"Is that the only reason? Or is there more that you're not telling me?" He asked and I sighed.

I turned away from him, "I never wrote in my journal why I got back together with you in high school... it wasn't until I was two weeks late that I realized I was pregnant. Beck got me several tests and they all came out positive. I was scared and upset, I didn't really know what to do. So after a couple of weeks I decided to reach out to you, and we got back together... and then I had a miscarriage."

He put an arm around me and another on my hand, "How come you never told me?" He asked softly.

"I was scared, embarrassed, I honestly had no idea how you would react." I said.

"I'm not really sure what I would've done, but I would've told you that it was gonna be okay and that I'm here for you... that includes now too."

I turned to face him again, now seeing him crying. I lightly wiped away his tears, "I should've told you. I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "It's okay Summer, really. Let me  walk you upstairs."

And he did. The walk back to my apartment unit was silent, but not the uncomfortable kind that slowly feeds on every nerve. It was a familiar, comforting silence that all was alright. He kissed my forehead, whispered goodbye and headed back towards the elevator. Part of me wanted to stop him, be that 17 year old again and run to him for comfort, but I didn't. I stuck to my word and let him walk. I headed back into the unit to see Andy on the couch with the laptop open, he looked up at me and gave a warm smile. My body began to shake and Andy immediately put aside the computer, got to his feet, and pulled me into his arms.

"What's wrong? What did he say to you?" He asked.

I ignored his question, tears were streaming down my face and I felt my legs give out on me. I didn't fall to the ground, Andy held me and ended up picking me up and taking me to bed. He laid me down, laid next to me and pulled me into his chest.

I looked up at him in between tears and managed to say, "I need Beck."