Where You Belong

7

The fog surrounding Derek's mind slowly dissipated as he became aware of his external world for the first time in hours. He was warm. It was light out. He smelled something flowery. And most importantly, there was a warm body wrapped tightly in his arms. He smiled, burying his nose in her hair, breathing in her scent before tilting his head forward in a weak attempt to block the sunlight from filtering into his eyes. Anything to make the moment stretch as long as he could; anything to pretend it wasn't actually morning and they didn't have to get up and face the day yet. This was definitely not a moment he wanted to end.

Meredith's naked back was pressed into his bare chest, her hands resting gently atop his over her abdomen, as if she had fallen asleep clutching him, but had slowly lost grip over the night. Their legs and feet were intertwined; he couldn't begin to discern how and where they crossed each other. They were scrunched together, sharing his side of the bed, her head sharing a pillow with his. The air outside the trailer was cool, but wrapped together underneath the warm comforter; Derek had never been more comfortable.

He lay quietly for many minutes; happy just to feel the slight expansion within his arms with every breath she took, smiling at how every seventh breath was a little deeper than the others. He'd never noticed that before. Before. It seemed like a lifetime since the last time he had woken with her in the same bed, in his arms. But in reality, it had only been a few weeks.

It had only been a few weeks since he had planned to take her to dinner and tell her everything. Only a few weeks since they had promised to sit down and make rules. Only a few weeks since she had approached him in the lobby and he had smiled and helped her with her coat. And it had only been a few weeks since he had looked over her shoulder to spot her approaching them. His blood had run cold as he realized exactly what was about to happen. And with barely enough time to send Meredith a short a priori apology, his new world had come crashing down around him.

The past week few weeks had wreaked havoc on his life, on his sense of self, and on his determination to start over and do what made him happy in his new life in Seattle. He had continually grasped at Meredith, his new life, only to have it slip away every time. And his old life kept push, push, pushing its way to the forefront of his thoughts. He had been racked with uncertainty, second guessing, dilemmas between right and wrong, and an ongoing battle between his heart and his head. He felt like he hadn't had a single moment in the whole time where anything felt quite right, not a single moment of peace and quiet.

But right now, Derek was calm. He was happy and content and comfortable. His heart was celebrating its victory and his head was accepting defeat and conceding that it may actually have been wrong. Because right now, Derek Shepherd felt at peace. There wasn't a single doubt in his mind that this was exactly where he wanted to be. This was the person he wanted to be with. And this was the path he needed to follow in his life. He had no regrets, only hope for the future. It was as if he had been wearing blinders for years, only to have them suddenly removed and he could see all the possibilities around him. It was liberating.

He sighed happily, the excess of air against the back of her neck creating goose bumps as she tensed and stirred briefly in his arms before falling back into a regular pattern of breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Derek smiled, his fingers reaching out blindly, and yet knowingly, for her fingers, capturing them and holding them intimately within his. She stirred once again, her body shifting against his as she adjusted, her hands unconsciously gripping his. Her breathing returned to normal again.

As much as he wanted this moment to last forever, Derek knew they had to get up if she wanted to be on time for her shift. He manoeuvred his head and placed several kisses on the back of her neck, causing her breathing to become less regular. He pulled his left arm out from under her, despite her unconscious protests as she grasped at his hand. Shifting up onto his elbow, he peered over her towards the alarm clock. He was right, they definitely needed to get up soon.